Marianne Talbot with her mother The worst has happened. Your mum has dementia. It’ll have to be a home. You have children, a partner and a full time job. So do your siblings. It’s unrealistic to imagine you could care for her. Bracing yourselves, off you go to visit homes.
But your heavy heart was completely misplaced! The 2015 legislation, intended to revolutionise elder-care, has worked! No longer are homes the waiting rooms for death you remember from when your gran was in one.
You visit several homes and they’re all alike: cheerful, warm, friendly places you could imagine living in yourself. In each you were told to look around, then return with questions.
Going nervously through the door of the first, you were greeted by a two elderly ladies. They clearly had no idea where they were. But they wanted to show you the large tabby at their feet, graciously putting up with having ribbons tied around her neck. Residents, you found, are encouraged to bring pets, and every home keeps animals, some cuddleable like cats, others useful, like chickens.
The research showed unequivocally that interacting with animals is beneficial for the elderly. It is now a legal requirement for homes to cater for this.
Extricating yourself from the cat, you saw a (properly guarded) fire blazing in the centre of a room. Comfortable chairs were arranged in small groups. In one corner a television was on, and some elderly men and a male nurse were cheering on their team.
In another corner, supervised by carers and nursery nurses, a group of residents were playing with a group of pre-schoolers. The children were lapping up the attention and the residents were wreathed in smiles.
Since 2015, apparently, every nursing home has a crêche to take advantage of how well the very old and the very young get on.
Moving to the kitchen you found three elderly ladies drying up as a carer washed. Another resident was helping a carer shred lettuce (not very effectively from what you could see). Another helped to fold laundry as a carer unloaded a washing machine. All the residents, you were amazed to hear, are encouraged to help as much as they can. Some homes even take in ironing from the surrounding area!
The fact that residents’ help was not (always) helpful is irrelevant you were told: the point is that the residents should feel they are contributing otherwise they might feel they’re a burden.
One room was a beauty salon. Two ladies were having their nails done, and a gentleman was having his trophy moustache groomed. In another a group of residents was making an extrardinary amount of noise with some musical instruments. You also found a nurse’s room (together with large jolly nurse), equipped for the visiting chiropodist, dentist and doctor. A ‘faith’ room could clearly be used for many different religions.
Strikingly every carer seemed extremely cheerful. You discovered that since 2015 caring had changed massively in status. Carers were now well paid, well trained and have excellent working conditions, including pensions and continuing professional development.
Every home, furthermore, works with the schools in its area. Schoolchildren are encouraged to come to the home whenever they like. Sometimes they interview residents for their projects or do their community service. Other times they just talk to residents, brush their hair, sing with them or look at pictures.
Such interactions are made easier by residents’ ‘books of life’. Full of photographs and other mementos, these books record all the highlights of the resident’s life. Children soon learn that even people without cognitive memory have emotional memories. So much easy to trigger them by using a real life event than by abstract small talk.
The result of these school/home partnerships has been that children are losing their sense of the elderly as strange irrelevant crinklies. They have started to see and treat them as real people with real worth.
What relief! You couldn’t possibly feel guilty putting your mum into one of these homes. They can clearly cater for her complex needs far better than you can. In fact you wonder at what age you can think about booking yourself in!
Thank goodness for a government that puts its money where its mouth is.