Marianne Talbot My goodness, how right I was about the direct payments coming in the nick of time. I have had a terrible morning.
Mum can’t do anything independently. Either I have to steel myself to her looking miserably into space, or entertain her.
The space-staring makes me feel agitated and guilty. Soon I start saying things like ‘why don’t you do something?’. Then mum gets agitated and guilty. Not a recipe for relaxation.
If I am extremely busy I grit my teeth to the space-staring. But trying to work out PAYE, write letters or compose emails with mum staring glumly at me is extremely difficult.
Sometimes mum wants to be entertained. She’ll pull my hand, plonk herself next to me, and complain every five seconds about having nothing to do.
I used to be able to leave mum starting into space and work elsewhere. But these days the minute I’m out of sight she’ll come to find me.
If mum wants to be entertained, therefore, the only thing I can do is entertain her.
But this means giving her my undivided attention. I can’t just give her a book, I have to read it with her. Not to her but with her. She isn’t a child after all and she gets irritated if I imply she can’t read herself.
Nor can I do domestic chores and expect her to sit and watch: she must help. As you might imagine mum’s ‘helping’ is not helpful. She needs constant supervision, and she needs to be ‘talked through’ everything.
And the talking she wants is not the talking I would do if I were thinking aloud.
That would go: ‘Oh god, when am I ever going to be able to do this or that?’, or ‘I wish she’d leave me alone for a minute.’, or ‘If only I could get this or that finished.’ or ‘if she says that one more time I’ll scream’...
But the life-saver (from my point of view) is that mum is a brilliant sleeper. On Sundays and Mondays when she doesn’t go to daycare, she’ll often stay in bed until 2 pm. This enables me to get some work done so that by the afternoon I am more relaxed about entertaining her.
Today is Monday. I was expecting a morning to myself and an afternoon of entertaining mum. But mum got up at 8. Aaargh!
So I got on the phone immediately. Within the hour Carol was here. First they made a soup and sang songs. Now they are walking round the garden laughing together. In an hour’s time Anita will take over.
All I have had to do is calm down so I can get some work done.