Marianne Talbot I went to see mum yesterday. But my main aim was not so much to spend time with her as to see the director. I had a complaint. Or at least a question.
A few days ago, noting one of mum's plants was dry, I put it to soak in the hand-basin in her bathroom. The following day it was still there.
Oh dear. Hadn't mum's hand-basin been used for 24 hours? Hadn't her hands been washed after she used the loo? Hadn't her teeth been brushed?
The director, a lovely woman, saw me immediately, heard me out and promised to make enquiries.
Today she told me the result: apparently because mum often needs a 'full wash' in the morning, she is usually taken to the main bathroom. This means that her bathroom doesn't get used. That explains why no-one noticed the plant.
But on her teeth there's bad news. They do indeed often go unbrushed: mum will neither brush them herself nor let anyone else do it. So rather than end up in a fight (which they certainly wouldn't win), the staff often just let it go.
Hearing this brought back the hassle I used to have with mum's teeth. Wouldn't you think that an action performed twice daily for 80 years would have become second nature? But not the brushing of teeth. Not for mum anyway.
My goodness, I remember how she was with me. There was no chance whatsoever I would get away without cleaning my teeth. Similar sternness was the only way, once the tables were turned, to get her to clean her teeth. She complained every time she did it. But she still did it.
Surely this is the only way you'll ever win on things like this? It is only by refusing to give in ever that you will convey the message you need to convey: that there is no point in making a fuss so you might as well get on with it.
Letting mum off even once would therefore have started the rot (probably literally): why do something you don't want to do when snarling at someone will get you off the hook?
I don't blame the staff. Mum snarls well. Also it's easier to stick to your guns when you are the sole carer: who, after all, is going to suffer if you give in?
But now we are now storing up big trouble.
One of my brothers suggests mum's remaining teeth should be taken out before the trouble starts. But my feeling, and that of my other siblings, is that we should leave them alone unless and until the trouble starts.
Is any dentist reading this? Do you have a solution?