Marianne Talbot with her mother Bit of a to-do a couple of days ago. Went to visit mum but she was nowhere to be found. I looked in all the sitting rooms and in the music room. She wasn’t in the conservatory, nor in her own room. I checked the loos, the bathrooms and even the linen cupboards. No mum.
I wasn’t worried because, without in the least bit seeming to be, the home is very secure. But there was nothing left to do but recruit some of the staff to search the rooms of other residents.
We soon found her. She was fast asleep, tucked up in the bed of one of the other residents. It is possible she had been feeling ill. Certainly she had been – er – unwell. She badly needed changing, the bed badly needed new sheets (at least), and the room badly needed a scrub. Poor mum.
The staff were, as always, wonderful. I just left them to it. It is one of the nicest things about mum’s being in a home that I can do this. When mum lived at home I was constantly having to change her, wash her clothes and sheets, scrub carpets etc. My washing machine thinks it’s been made redundant!
None of the rooms in the home is locked. This means that residents can go in and out of each others' rooms at any time. One day I found Ruth* in mum's room, naked to the waist, in the process of shredding the water-resistant material of her knickers. It looked as if it had been snowing.
I just greeted her warmly, shut the door firmly, and went to find a member of staff.
Another time Tom* was in mum's room searching for something. He was obviously failing because every drawer in the room was open, its contents strewn over the floor. He had reached the wardrobe when I got there, and was discarding garments one by one in disgust.
“Hi Tom,” I said, “I’ll get someone to help you”. And off I went.
After five years of being responsible for everything this ability to walk away is magical!
When mum went into the home I was told to put her name on everything. I thought I had done so. But I interpreted ‘everything’ rather narrowly. They really mean that her name must be on every sock, her glasses, every book, every photograph etc. If it isn’t whatever it is will go walking.
Actually it goes walking anyway. Mum’s drawers are full of stuff that isn’t hers and I am sure that much of her stuff is being put to good use elsewhere.
But who cares? Mum certainly doesn’t. And so long as mum is happy neither do I!
*Names have been changed