Healthy living Blog
Carer Diary
April 29, 2009: Mum would have loved it
Few people arrange more than two funerals. But no matter. Undertakers and vicars arrange hundreds. Discreetly they take charge and everything runs smoothly. Mind you, have you seen how much they cost? They jolly well ought to run smoothly, writes Marianne Talbot
The running order was easy. Mum had left strict instructions about hymns: Praise the Lord, The Day Thou Gavest (also sung at Dad’s funeral) and Love Divine. Three hymns and four children, each of whom wanted to pay tribute, doesn’t leave much time between the vicar’s topping and tailing.
I did the Order of Service and photocopied it onto thin ivory card. The death notice went into The Times, and the local newspaper in mum and dad’s village. We agreed that people would come back to my place, five minutes' walk from the church, after the service.
There was a hiccup when we discovered that mum's brother and his wife, so helpful over the years, weren't able to come. But they insisted we shouldn't re-arrange. It'll be a good excuse for a party at a later date.
The morning before my sister and brothers arrived. We prepared the house and garden, collected things that needed collecting, shopped, cooked, cried and laughed. In the evening we went through mum's stuff. More tears. More laughter.
I slept very badly. When I did sleep it was only to dream that it had all been a mistake: mum was still alive and I had to run around cancelling everything.
The day dawned sunny and fresh. I spent half an hour in the garden cutting her favourite flowers to put on her coffin. After some frantic last minute preparations, we were all changed and ready as the hearse glided to a halt outside the gate.
Seeing the coffin for the first time was a shock, and the tears came. They came again as we walked into church. Mum’s coffin was proudly carried by two sons and two grandsons. Four tall handsome men. Mum would have adored that.
She would also have adored the fact there were about 65 people in church; people from all parts of her life, including many of those who helped care for her in her last years. The hymns were sung lustily, and the tributes read tearfully but with composure. Mum was carried out to the rousing strains of the Hallelujah Chorus.
Immediate family went to the crematorium for the final rites: a dignified and solemn farewell to our beloved mum, now at rest.
Then it was back to the house, where about 45 people were eating, drinking and reminiscing in the glorious spring sunshine.
It was a good party. Mum would have loved it. I’m sure she was there in spirit.
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