Healthy living Blog

Carer Diary

Feb 20, 2008: Fingers crossed

Marianne Talbot

Things are looking up for Marianne Talbot, who cares for her mother with Alzheimer's disease

Things were already improving last week. This week mum is back to normal with a vengeance.

Every morning she has got up without protest – a miracle. She has had two or three baths with minimal grumbling. And today I cut and cleaned her fingernails without her screaming once (she does a good scream my mum, usually when the clippers are nowhere near her actual nails).

It’s as if she is so relieved that her routine is back that she loves the whole world.

It can be embarrassing. Last night we were taken for tea with someone who might provide mum with an ‘adult placement’. This is a substitute for respite care which, you may remember, did not go smoothly for mum (see blog of November 28, 2007).

In an adult placement a family or, in this case, a single person, will have mum to stay for the odd weekend, a day here or there, or even a full week.

For me this would be fantastic. It would enable me to have time in my own home on my own. I really suffer from never feeling my home is my own, and it would be marvellous to have people to lunch or supper, or to lounge around reading the paper, or lazing in a bath without one ear open for mum. I might even get to read a book!

Jane, who organises adult placement, collected us at 4pm. Mum greeted her like the prodigal daughter: ‘How very nice to see you!’ she said, throwing her arms around an astonished Jane and kissing her enthusiastically, ‘You look wonderful!’.

They have met before. Once.

But this was nothing to the way mum greeted Liz, the person who might provide placement. As soon as she opened the door, mum smothered her with kisses, gripped her hand and told her about ten times that she liked her very much.

Phyllis, aged 96, and on placement with Liz, was dozing in a chair. At least she was until mum grasped her to her bosom and told her she had beautiful hair. I don’t know when Phyllis was last told this, but her smile was something to behold (even more toothless than mum’s!).

We were shown around the house, with mum exclaiming every second about the beauty of this and that, the wonder of that and this and the sheer marvellousness of Liz and everyone else. She kept grabbing my hand and giving me a smacking kiss.

I wasn’t sure whether to apologise for mum’s exuberance, or act as if she was like this all the time. Liz seemed to like it, but the proof will be if she’s willing to take mum on.

Keep your fingers crossed for me...

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