Healthy living Blog
Carer Diary
Keeping Mum: diaries of a carer
Five years ago, Marianne Talbot's mum, diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1999, came to live with her. Since then Marianne has juggled a full time job with caring for her mum. For 18 months, Marianne has chronicled the tears and trauma, the laughter and the desperation, in her blog, Keeping Mum.
Latest blog
May 14: farewell The last blog from carer Marianne Talbot, whose inimitably clear-sighted, humorous and touching prose meant so much to so many. Read more
- May 7: red tape
- April 29: Mum would have loved it
- April 23, 2009: mourning mum
- April 15: the end of the chapter
More on Keeping Mum Diary
Reader comments
Dear Marianne, thank you so much for your talk today in Oxford. It did inspire me to come and read this Blog. And now thank you again for providing such a wonderful account of your experiences as a carer. I will definately remember this to inform my future practice. All best wishes for the future Lynne
Posted by: Lynne Culshaw | 10/02/2009 20:49:36
God this is brilliant - to read about someone else's experience! We are caring for my mother-in-law who has dementia but is still just able to live alone in a bungalow down the road from us. As she has recently moved from her home of 50 years to this bungalow (which she loves) she cannot remember that it is ehrs. Despite us telling her for the past 6 months, showing her pictures and now writing it on cards anywhere she might see she still looks completely surprised (though delighted) with the news. Is there any way we can this information to stick? It would make her so much happier as she would be confident that she could stay there. Also how did you find Anita - we want one too!
Posted by: Clare | 03/12/2008 18:48:04
Dear Marianne your blog gives me such help. We are caring for my father over the past 10 years and he is blind/deaf, severely bent, vascular dementia, prostrate cancer, catheter, hernia, glaucoma, machular disease, etc we are finding increasingly difficult we are both in our 40's and have 2 duaghters who also have been affected with the caring. The dementia is progressing rapidly and we just feel exhausted and also guilty that we do not give our own daughters enough time due to always having to put my father first. Your blog I can so relate to and I thank you for doing it. I also have a brother and his wife who is a nurse who we never see and never does anything to help which makes life even more upsetting for us. Thankyou for doing this blog I myself have kept a diary of the time I cared for Dad as I become increasingly frustrated with the system and how elderely people are treated within it. From sarcastic cmments when I asked for a jug of water for him at 7 at night after he had been in the ward all day and was told 'what do you want me to do make one?' to not being told he had pneumonia and another occasion MRSA yet he lived in our house. Thankyou.
Posted by: sarah thomas | 19/11/2008 10:37:53
When my husband was given and paid Attendance Allowance I was also awarded a Carers Allowance. However, as we all know if you are receiving a state pension this money cannot be paid as one amount cancels out the other. There are millions of people in this country receiving a state pension and they do not look after another person so why should a carer not receive the extra money? The other anomaly I cannot understand is why motobility is not available to those over 65 years. This is just the time of our lives we need to be able to travel around even if most of our trips are to the hospital and when we need help especially if we are not being paid our other allowances.
Posted by: Carol Gunyon | 22/10/2008 08:54:54
My husband had Lewy Body Dementia and died in March. I've read Marianne's blogs and every single one makes me weep.
Posted by: Philippa Morrison | 31/08/2008 16:38:42
Together with my husband I have P.O.A.for a 97 year old relative who has been registered blind for 15 years, is fully mentally alert and is now happily settled in a Care Home of her choice and is fortunate to be self funded.Any problems we have had are as nothing compared to those you have had and I am full of sympathy and admiration. I am a Citizen's Advice advisor and interest was aroused by your reference to £403. Pursuing information we have found people who are being pressed into accepting Direct Payments without adequate information as to what is involved. Consequently we are submitting this subject to our National Social Policy Unit as the implications need more explanation and warnings. Having said that, I believe that Direct payments are welcomed by some people. I hope things went well for you yesterday and that you can now enjoy some well earned respite. Best wishes, Jean Jones (P.S. I have a follow up letter in this month's magazine)
Posted by: Jean Jones | 29/08/2008 16:16:40
My wife & have given up our own home for over 5 years now to care for my 88 year old mother in law in her own home. I would just like to say that Marianne Talbot's observations in her recent SAGA magazine article were spot on. How refreshing it is to read an article written by someone who actually KNOWS what it is like to be a carer 24 x 7 and not to be preached to by well meaning but totally clueless 'professionals' & politicians. Sadly many decisions which influence support to carers & their loved ones are still made by the 'professionals'. Until they have experienced what carers actually have to cope with day by day I suggest they would do well to read Marianne's article & blogs in the hope that it may enlighten them to the real world hidden away & forgotten.
Posted by: Harry & Linda Waggett | 22/08/2008 21:20:50
Hello everyone, I can see that my mention of £403 per week has got everyone excited! It did me too. But I was awarded that much money because I work full time and I was assessed as needing 23 hours a week care, so that I could continue working. Then this care was valued at agency-rate (£17.50 per hour). If you read the blog for April 9th and for February 27th you will see that the money comes with all sorts of strings, not least the fact you have to pay it back if you do not spend it. The money was a mixed blessing for me because I found the administrative burden absolutely huge and extremely guilt producing. The misinformation I was given by so many people made for a great deal of stress. I have just spent two whole days working out the tax and national insurance I owe for all the carers who worked for me. Of course it is lovely to have the money to spend...but to get it you must care full time AND work full time, and I don't recommend that to anyone. But good luck to anyone who is doing it, and more power to your elbow in getting the payments! Thank you for reading and responding to the blog - it's lovely to hear from you! Marianne Talbot
Posted by: Marianne Talbot | 16/07/2008 17:12:45
I too have just read Marianne Talbots article and although it is all very interesting, the point that interests me is the amount of money she seems to be able to access per WEEK, £403. How is this possible. Would it be possible for SAGA to print out an explanation. Like the previous comments I was only able to access Attendance Allowance and Carers, which are pitiful amounts, especially compared to the figure of £403. I was completely dumfounded when I read the article and would love to hear from you. Thanking you. Barbara.
Posted by: Barbara | 14/07/2008 17:32:16
I read your article in Saga. It rings sooo true, except the £403/week. We get just over that /month. I can cope with my wife, but SS get steam coming out of my ears. The only help I have is from charity organisations. Fill in all the forms from SS and another delaying tactic is introduced. I have not had a holiday for 3 and half years. I think SS should be dis-banded and the money they are allocated handed to the major charity organisations, who would not waste it, but use it to the proper benefit of those in need.
Posted by: despondant | 12/07/2008 07:01:04
such an interesting article, because I'm in that posisition also. would love to know how Marianne can receive the £403.oo per week, I live in the West of Scotland and when Mum took her stroke in 2000 and I enquired of benefits, for carer £75 per week - hence I still work full time with the help of my sister and an attendance allowance of £40 per week ( no outside help at all) If this amount is avaliable to me I could retire now instead of October 2009 - which would be a huge help. Anyway this info could be obtained ? thanks so much Know completely wher Marianne is coming from in her caring duties!!!!
Posted by: ann arnold | 07/07/2008 09:57:39
Information on this site is for interest only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should consult your own doctor about any specific health concerns.
