Healthy living Blog
Carer Diary
May 9, 2008: loving the one you're with
Internet dating blogger, Linda Franklin, on the importance of living in the present and valuing the relationship you're in
'Chantal's such a lovely mother...' Bill and I were in Koba bar drinking margaritas as a delayed wetting of the baby's head. He'd stayed for a few weeks in London to help out his ex-girlfriend who'd just had her ex-boyfriend's baby.
'Bet he hoped that by being good with a nappy and a bottle of expressed milk she'd realise that - oh my God! - she loved Bill after all.' Ewan had said, waspishly. He was in Brighton on his mobile buying eco-friendly cleaning products and was in a bad mood because he'd returned to his flat to find the tenants had left it like 'utter pigsty!' What's more, Jack - his boyfriend - had not begged him to stay and promised to change and value him more, but had readily agreed they should take a break...
'Does she want to get back with you?' I asked Bill. 'They'd would be much more secure with you than the other guy.'
'Look, even with me offering a ready made home, family and security, she'd sooner leave the door open for him - and be broke - than be with me...'
'Bit of a facer...' I thought he'd probably never experienced being turned down by a woman before. His eyes were an amazing deep blue in a face still tanned from a trip to the Caribbean and his cropped grey hair framed a chiselled, handsome face.
'Can we have two more of the same, please?' He turned the eyes full beam onto the waitress and she kind of melted before hurrying off to get them.
'Where did you meet her?'
'On an internet dating site...I was a bit bored with my humdrum life with Emma and the kids and was just looking - I was curious to see what was out there...'
'Good God!'
'Yes - that's exactly what I thought when I saw her picture. So the next time I went to London we arranged lunch and I was just smitten. We saw each other for a few weeks and I realised I'd never actually been in love before...'
'I hope you didn't tell Emma that?'
'Well yes I did - I wanted to explain I wasn't leaving her for some trivial fling - that would have been insulting...'
'Like - this wouldn't? Like: you expected her to say, "Oh okay, you're in love now - off you go with my blessing and I'll look after our children..."?'
'It wasn't quite like that.'
'I bet!'
'You seem angry, Linda?'
'I had pretty much the same experience when my ex left so - call it my raw spot - but men say such stupid things when they leave - it just adds insult to injury.'
He drank down his fresh margarita and I noticed he had little hairs curling out enticingly from a tanned arm just under his cuff, around his watch.
'Well anyway, I blew it then by leaving Emma but feeling really guilty about it and always going on about her and the kids. And it bored Chantal. Maybe that's why she took up with her ex for a while again - and got pregnant. And now I'm truly finished with Emma I can't get back with Chantal.'
'That is such a blokeish thing,' I said. 'Men so often mess up the relationship they're in by hankering after the one they just left. Like they're always living in regret instead of enjoying the present. What happened to that idea of loving the one you're with?'
'Dunno,' sighed Bill. 'But I need something to eat - fancy a curry?' And, when I said yes, he went off to the loo.
It gave me a chance to look at my mobile: there were two texts: one was from Ewan saying he'd got his internet working and had just met a fab local boy. The other was from Julie saying Nelson's ex-wife of the red bob had somehow got hold of her mobile number and had texted her to say she wanted to meet up with her...
More from Linda
- May 1: not on stand by
- April 24: the invisible woman
- April 18: on my own terms
- April 10: back to earth with a bump in Barcelona
More dating
More blogs this week
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