Relationships Blog
Dating Diary
April 24: the invisible woman
Becoming invisible to men as they age is a familiar gripe of older women, but argues Linda Franklin, there are some real advantages to the situation too
'I hate being invisible as an older woman,' Julie was saying. We were in Bill's Produce Store in Brighton having lunch. Julie was on her second glass of wine. She was having a little dessert with her coffee. I'd already resisted.
'Oh go on, then - tempt me,' she'd said to the handsome young waiter. 'The orange and ginger cheesecake with chocolate sauce sounds yummy - you'll help me out, won't you, Linda. I don't have a big appetite...' This last was said to the boy who was young enough to be her son but was, I do have to admit, one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I'd been in a coffee bar once and seen him leave the place by waltzing out the door with his beautiful Chinese girlfriend. He smiled politely at Julie. To be honest, she looked as if she certainly had the appetite for him.
'I've lost it! sighed Julie, when he'd gone. 'Not a flicker from that guy... I used to turn heads and get wolf whistles from the most gorgeous young men whenever I went out - now I'm lucky if a shop assistant actually looks at me while he's serving me! Don't you hate it?'
'What?'
'Being invisible!'
'No - I love it,' I said. 'I love the ability to be invisible now, so I can just be me, looking at others, instead of always being a woman, being watched - and judged. Young girls can't do that - they're always public property - but an older woman has the choice. It's like turning off the light in a room so you can see others, without being seen yourself. It's very liberating.'
'Like a magic cloak of invisibility?' Julie said. Her cheesecake had come and she ate, hungrily.
'Yes. I often go out without my make-up, hair a mess, and if I see someone I know - I pretend I haven't; and they either don't recognise me or just recognise the fact I'm not 'open for business' so to speak. But you can turn it on again when you want. You can decide to do your public thing when you're in the mood. Age doesn't matter then - you can still be glamorous by just enjoying being a woman. And people do respond to that confident, smiley thing...'
'You know,' said Julie. 'From now on I'm going to do that confident, lit up thing because it is so attractive! Crikey! I've eaten it all and you didn't have any! Sorry, darling...' The waiter came to take the plate and she turned to him, smiling full beam. Her teeth were covered in chocolate sauce. He gave a slight start. She looked satisfied and turned to me, when he'd gone, saying: 'Made more of an impact that time, didn't I? Still got it after all...'
'How did Nelson like his cufflinks?' I asked. 'Wasn't it his birthday party at the weekend? How was the hotel?' She'd found him on the internet, a Consultant specialising in gynae, unfortunately, but - hey - a doctor's still a doctor, as Julie pointed out. He was distinguished and it was his sixtieth.
'Loved them, I got him the agate ones,' said Julie. Then she frowned: 'But he didn't like them as much as he liked his wife's! She turned up out of the blue with a pair done in jade! "To match his eyes," she said. No-one expected her to be there, it was very embarrassing for everyone - especially him - she was all over him.'
'Bet he hated that...'
'Absolutely,' said Julie. 'But he had to be polite, of course.'
'How did she look?'
'Slim, red bob, green cat eyes - gorgeous...' She said dejectedly. 'Do you fancy some cake?'
'Did you talk?'
'Well, she said to me: "Jade trumps agate every time!"'
'Fasten your seatbelts,' I said. 'We could be in for a bumpy ride!'
More from Linda
- April 18: on my own terms
- April 10: back to earth with a bump in Barcelona
- April 4: falling short
- March 27: it's the thought that counts
More on sex appeal
More on dating
- The dos and don'ts of modern dating
- How to get back into the dating game
- How to handle yourself on a first date
- Is this 'The One'?
- Chat about relationships at Saga Zone
