Relationships Blog
Dating Diary
Feb 8, 2008: no more heroes
In this instalment of Linda Franklin's fearless, frank and funny dating diary, Linda is relieved not to be looking for 'the one' any more
There is no Prince Charming. Mr Darcy doesn't exist. It doesn't matter, it really doesn't. At least the mature dater hasn't got disillusion in store and if you're halfway sorted in your life you can at least make realistic decisions about what you want from a relationship based on reality.
Besides, many of us by this time have felt we've been loved and adored by someone or even quite a few, even if they all got lost along the way. And knowing you've had that does give a feeling of confidence and a knowledge you've been a full participant in the game of love that makes the world go round - so the rest is just bunce, so to speak.
And if you feel you've never been swept off your feet by your prince on a white charger then at least you can console yourself that, by the same token, neither have you had to face the fact his feet are made of clay and he leaves the lid up - as everyone else did who thought they'd found him. You can simply come to terms that you never had that and just get over it - and see what's on offer now, while being aware your life is pretty full as it is already.
At least the sensible mature dater can. Beware being like a friend of mine who never did feel loved by a man and for whom it really rankles and she feels she's missed out, big time. Now she spends her whole life searching for that elusive holy grail then she puts long time friends on hold, irritates her children and ignores work projects in order to turn each unlikely and unworthy candidate into Sir Lancelot.
And what can you say: 'Honey, it ain't gonna happen! If you were the sort of girl the guys didn't fall for when you were young, the years won't have improved your chances. It's too late, get over it.' But no, each one is a major mind blowing romance - until he runs away from the drama of it all with her in hot pursuit.
Once she realises that men aren't fairytale characters with the power to transform how she feels about herself then you can at least she can look out for the type of guy that would really enhance her life. She could assess what she wants, whom she wants and which bits and when in a pragmatic manner devoid of wishful thinking.
A guy was emailing me who called himself Romeo and whose profile declared him to be a true romantic. He was, he said, the sort of man who really knew how to treat a woman as if she were a princess, declared himself charming, funny and gallant. He was good looking, I'll give him that - blond and green eyed, tall and slim - but I don't normally go for that 'I'll Put You on a Pedestal' guff - just too far to fall in my case and I like to be accepted as the complex individual I am, not a representation for the whole fair species.
Anyway, he was articulate in his emails and was happy to go for a coffee locally one afternoon and I thought why not? I could fit it in with a bike ride and some shopping. Romeo - or Colin as his given name was - was waiting for me. He jumped up to greet me and pulled out my chair.
As he did so I caught of whiff of something unpleasant. I wondered if the cafe had something wrong with its drains. He had - so thoughtfully - ordered me a coffee and some cake. The coffee was now lukewarm and I'm not really a cake person. 'How kind of you,' I said. 'But I've just had lunch and...'
'We can share it,' he said.
Again, I caught a whiff of something sinister.
'It's chocolate,' and he leaned towards me, confidingly, 'my favourite...'
Lawdy, I got a full blast! It was his breath! The stench was coming from his mouth! I watched him fork a mouthful and slide it in, it came out still covered in chocolate now gooey with saliva; he licked it all off, carefully.
'Mmmm...' he sighed ecstatically and I watched him slip the fork back into the cake: 'Next bit for you...'
'I'll pass, Colin,' I said. 'Thanks all the same. I'll pass.'
