Relationships Blog
Dating Diary
Linda Franklin's dating diary
When Linda Franklin decided to sort out her love life, she turned to internet dating and here she explains why
One of the many benefits of finding yourself single in your fifties is that you are completely free to find fun and romance – unlike our spoken-for sisters who can only dream. But this time around it is not as it was when we were in our twenties. This time there is none of that feeling that having a chap of your own is an imperative to living a fulfilled life.
At that age you view a potential partner as someone with whom you can springboard into grown-up life: earning money, buying a house, having babies and so on. But once you’ve done all that, you come to the dating scene with a different agenda.
Not many of my friends are looking for the mythic happy ever after – and neither am I. Experience has shown this to be too elusive a holy grail to waste much time on – though it could be a bonus if it happened.
We’ve already set up lives that are reasonably fulfilled: we have comfortable homes, look after our health, know how to cook, and enjoy rewarding relationships with friends and offspring alike. In this way men are now optional to our lives. So what’s the draw towards them then? Well, it’s because (older) girls still want to have fun. Just like we always did.
It’s no secret that I’m divorced and have been erm... seeing a younger man for the past six years, but we all know what he wants and, from time to time, I desire something more. Someone on whose time I have an undisputed claim if I want to share the details of my day; who could be the “plus one” on an invitation, and whom I could justifiably call to help me out in a tight spot. And vice versa.
Maybe it’s wanting to take another bitter-sweet bite of the cherry. Watching my eldest son set up a lovely relationship has made me unexpectedly wistful for someone to call my own again. Maybe there is a knowledge that if I don’t take what I can possibly get now then I might well find the opportunity gone in the future. I might look back when it’s too late and think I could have grasped that bit of life whileI still had the means to do so – for there is nothing that makes you feel so fully alive as falling in love and finding it reciprocated. Love and lust are the ultimate rejuvenators.
One big surprise about getting older is finding that the excitement in your fifties is just as strong as when you were 15. But you can bring the wisdom of years to the whole business: weeding out the unsuitable quickly, deciding for yourself what you do and don’t want, and not letting emotions run away inappropriately (lack of dignity on an older woman is so not a good look). But the excitement is still there.
I want to shop for lingerie knowing it will be on view. I want to choose a new scent that will – for him – become synonymous with intimate time spent with me. I want to pamper myself knowing someone special will appreciate it. I want texts from an admirer, not a reminder of a dental appointment. I want a delivery that is sometimes flowers rather than groceries.
So where to find him at this age and stage, when the office is as out of the question as the disco? My friend Anne is a big fan of internet dating and has met several nice men over the years. And some not so nice, but she assured me there was fun to be had. And despite its main drawback – lack of subtlety, we all know why we’re there – it does give an awful lot of bang for your bucks (if you’ll excuse the expression).
In one hit your screen is suddenly raining men. All single, all looking for someone – and you can check them out in the comfort of your own home, in your dressing gown and face pack, glass of wine in hand. Couldn’t be easier, could it?
A few problems presented themselves immediately. Such as the fact that you can’t leave out your age: websites ask for your date of birth before they let you in. A robust stance with this kind of intrusive nonsense works best: I put down my “real age” rather than my chronological one. Then there’s the endless selling of yourself, which is worse than a job application and makes you look like a big screaming egotist.
Once past these minor obstacles, there you are, in the promised land where love is to be found...
Reader comments
It would so nice to meet a slimish lady with longish hair with not too much make up. Also, it would also be nice to meet a lady who would (FOR A CHANGE)treat met to meals and buy me nice Zara clothes instead of the other way round!! Will it ever happen? I do not think so. All I have done is give, give and give more. It would be a very welcome change for a lovely lady to spoil me. In return will show her some of the most romantic locations around the world and smother her with affection. Will it happen? I suspect not.
Posted by: johnny | 28/06/2008 22:44:39
