Relationships
Dating
Wanted: a wife
Michael Lawson examines the pleasures and perils of advertising for a partner
Anyone who browses the advertisements in the personal columns of magazines and newspapers will know that periodically a success story is announced, but I wonder how many such meetings result in a wedding?
When my wife died a few years ago, after over 40 years of happy marriage, I hoped that I might find a lady who would like to remarry.
During the several years since, I have met scores of lonely women mostly through advertisements; we have sometimes got as far as going out together and even on holiday together, but sadly I am still living alone and no doubt most of the women are still alone, too, judging by the number of repeat advertisements one sees over the months.
Are we older people really too fixed in our ways to establish a new relationship? Let's take a look at what the personal ads dating scene is really like.
The pros and cons of personal advertisements
To the unkind critics who have never been in the same position and say that one must be desperate to advertise for a partner we can unashamedly reply: "perhaps we are."
The advantage of advertisements is that you know that each person is really looking for someone. You can select people to meet on the basis of where they live, their age and interests, but it is not always easy to read between the lines of a person's description, for example it's an old joke that 'cuddly' is a codeword for a full figure.
Nor is it easy to decide the sort of relationship a person is seeking. Some ladies only want friendship and are taken aback when the friendship starts to become 'intense' as one woman put it. I heard of another who had got the engagement ring on her finger before she admitted to her fiancee that 'affectionate' in her advertisement did not mean 'sexy'.
If a woman advertises for a man 5ft l0in tall I wonder whether she would settle for my 5ft 9in. The whole process is rather like applying for a job, and the meetings are like mutual interviews.
For a start, as one lady put it: "You need to be on the same intellectual level." You need to be able to carry on a conversation on the telephone, but you may make a mutual decision at this stage not to meet because of say the distance apart - people tend to advertise by county and there may be replies from a long way away.
I have found that out of six replies one can dismiss (or be dismissed by) two women after a phone call, and dismiss another two after a first meeting. It may take more than one meeting to choose between the other two ladies, and then the one you have chosen gives you up after you have gone out together for several weeks.
