Emma Soames We baby boomers are such a lucky generation. We are generally wealthier than our parents, we live longer and healthier lives and soon we will be able to go on working until we wish to stop. But there are problems that we have to face and the biggest, which is universal, is the inevitable ageing process itself.
Medical science may be able to provide us with new hips, better eyesight and hearing and the possibility of prolonging sexual activity. But old age, with its cacophony of ailments, is going to come to us all; how we deal with it is one of the most important issues that we need to address.
There’s now a theory that the French are embracing with enthusiasm which proposes that the secret to a happy old age lies above all with ourselves.
Marie de Hennezel is a French psychotherapist who counselled François Mitterrand and now advises the French government on "le troisième âge"; she has just written a guide to ageing well, The Warmth of the Heart Prevents your Body from Rusting (soon to be Book of the Week on Radio 4). This curious title is a saying that comes from the Japanese island of Okinawa, home to some of the oldest people in the world.
Her manifesto for a good and happy old age is superficially a paradox, "since it means accepting the inevitability of ageing without becoming 'old'." De Hennezel believes that denying the ageing process can lead to an unhappy old age but, encouragingly, she claims that we can learn how to grow old without being old. She writes that in our sixties, we would do well to embark on a process of learning, to start to make peace with the past and to work on attaining levels of acceptance that will allow us later to enjoy an enriching old age, which will not be spoilt by regrets, guilt or remorse.
Practically, she recommends that we stay physically active, that we nurture friendships, sing and remain engaged with friends, lovers and family. (She is a keen advocate of an active sex life. Well, she is French.) She also believes in stillness and contemplation, in meditation and in peacefulness and acceptance.
A successful Fourth Age lies in a tranquil but rich interior life where the smallest things can give us a joy never encountered in our younger days. This is a promise worth exploring, don’t you think?
The hottest invitation of this spring, if not the entire year, is the stiff white engraved card from the Lord Chamberlain inviting 1,800 guests to the wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton.
The day the invitations arrived in the post had an electrifying effect on the recipients, on the media and no doubt on some who thought they would or should be invited and haven’t been. To the latter group I offer a consoling thought. In 1981, I went to Prince Charles’s wedding in St Paul’s Cathedral. Naturally I was thrilled and surprised to get the invitation. But the day itself was rather less thrilling than the anticipation – the delicious dilemma of what to wear, where to go afterwards and the raiding of friends’ wardrobes was all great fun. But, not being foreign royalty, in the Government or close to either the bride or groom, once arrived in church on that July day, we were seated way back behind several large pillars and rows of hats.
Craning is not the done thing, so I caught only a fleeting glimpse of white taffeta and if it were not for a small black and white TV screen we wouldn’t have known what was going on. The music was magnificent but the sightlines were terrible. It was only when we got home that we were able to see what we’d missed. So, if you’re miffed at not having made the cut, rest assured, it really is better on TV.
I’ve been aware of the clever broadcasting facility of podcasts for some time but it’s only recently that I’ve started downloading them to my iPod. I now subscribe to The New Yorker and get two hours a month of the magazine’s content read aloud on my iPod. It’s doing wonders for my walking and exercise – once more round the park at a brisk pace to finish listening to Adam Gopnik or Talk of the Town. There’s a lot of guff on the airwaves but you can effectively edit your listening with podcasts once you’ve mastered your iPod. The problem is that I don’t like using earphones, so I walk around with headphones on, which is not a great look. You know what? I really don’t care.