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The Potting Shed

_{The place to meet and talk to other gardeners}

Guide to garden visiting

There are times when the language of garden guidebooks needs a little explanation for the lay gardener.  After all, what does an estate agent really mean when he enthuses 'deceptively spacious'? The following translations may be helpful to the uninitiated, says Christopher Holliday

The Garden

These days, the garden has to be seen as a creative oasis.  Political correctness calls for frequent references to being environmentally, or organically maintained,  and wildlife-friendly. Slug pellets are not mentioned of course. 

A tidy garden is important, but there is also a secret code – it’s fine to admit that your garden is overgrown as this goes with visions of wild and romantic splendour.  So 'over-manicured' is never recognised as an advantage, and if used should be combined with a negative – ‘not overly manicured’.

'...shows creativity in metres rather than acres...': Although the plot is smaller than the owners would like (aspirations towards sweeping acres; big imagination for small gardens) they have not learned the value of 'less is more'.  So to compensate for what they see as lack of space – the ultimate privation for any gardener – they overfill the garden with as many plants and features as possible, shouting over-busy design, crammed with water features, obelisks, pergola and top-heavy with plants.

'Elevation 1,000ft.  North-facing.' One-upmanship: if a gardener is forced to endure seemingly insurmountable odds he’ll throw down the gauntlet.  He’s proclaiming that he can work miracles in awful conditions  The sort of site which will appeal to retired hairy-chested head gardener type.

'Environmentally maintained':   Beware.  This is a wonderful blanket-term for do-gooding.  It implies that whatever else fails to work, the owner can at least take refuge in the fact that it’s 'environmentally maintained'. Sounds good and worthy but apart from hiding a multitude of sins it’s fairly meaningless.  Organic perhaps?  Certainly no slug pellets here.

'...developed so as to retain its intrinsic charm and relaxed naturalistic atmosphere...’: arm yourself with a machete and insect repellent.  Expect to be waist high in nettles.  For ‘developed’ read ‘relaxed’.

'...meandering paths lead to surprises around every corner...': you may be in for a few disagreeable shocks as well.

'...plenty of seats and shade...':  appealing to those of an Edwardian disposition.  Proffered as a safety net for the quickly exhausted, and a sop for sporty husbands, dragged out against their will.

'...perfumes, songbirds and nests everywhere...': smelly and deafening; an assault on the senses.  Be careful where you put your feet and look up only with caution.  Plants will be subordinate to the wildlife.  Inevitable wild area.

'...old garden in throes of being re-established...': and ‘forgotten gardens undergoing extensive restoration...’ This covers the owner’s back beautifully. Although open to the public it’s not quite ready yet.  Go with an open mind.

The Planting

Garden visitors are easily whipped up into a frenzy of excitement when the plants are rare or unusual.  The scarcer the better.  Once a gardener has sought out the rare to the downright curious, the next step is to plant them in as unusual a style as possible.

'Densely planted':  You will seldom find a garden described as being under-planted.  Minimalism and plantaholics seldom go together. Although catching on at Chelsea and in a few gardens, planting with a few plants is generally frowned upon: a sop to weeds.

'Unusual perennials':    Most gardeners take pride in the possession of something which others have not.  It does beg the question as to the scarcity value of these plants, when there are hundreds of gardens containing them.  Usually prefixed with 'packed with' – so you can be sure you’ll be getting value for money.

'An eclectic mix': often associated with unusual perennials: no ground plan here.  Garden has been added to piece-meal, with a confusion of plants. 

'Rare trees':  - Again, no one wants a tree that everyone will recognize on sight.  Far better if it was grown from seed brought back in a toilet bag from Borneo.

'Interesting climbers':   Does anyone want to admit to growing dull, boring climbers? 

'Unusual planting and very unusual earth workings': not for the faint-hearted obviously; may have an abundance of moles.   Keep a wide berth of the septic tank.

'Pantaholic’s paradise': what the owner regards as their patch of heaven is likely to be hell for the visitor.  Too many plants with unrelated colours, as likely as not crammed in without heed as to their partners.  Little sense of design.  You will depart reeling.

'Vibrant Mediterranean colours ... many experimental plantings': as above, but take sun-glasses.  For 'experimental' read: it seemed like a good idea at the time, but actually it’s a disaster.

'...a profusion of colours that would grace an artist’s palette...': and that’s where they should remain. 

'Tropical plants in conservatory...':  this will probably be overgrown with plants reaching monstrous proportions, which the owner is so proud of he won’t cut them back.  Wear goggles.

'Year round interest': this is a recurring and somewhat illogical passion.  Although most plants only perform between April and September, there is the perennial struggle to maximize winter interest – even though it’s dark between 4pm-5pm for a couple of months and many people who are working only see their gardens at the weekend.

This article was created: 23 March 2007.
This article was last edited: 26 April 2007.

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