Helen Whitten and Keren Smedley

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Step 2 - the practicalities

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Step Three: Manage expectations and emotions

You may have been looking forward to retirement for a long time; or be anxious about how you will manage this change.

Recognise that each of you are likely to have hopes and fears as to how retirement will impact your lives and your relationship.

The more you can discuss these emotions and show understanding and support the more likely it is that you will be able to support one another.

If you have been at home for many years with your partner out at work you may fear the intrusion of their presence in your life.

Equally you may expect them to suddenly participate and share everything that you have been doing - but they may not wish to do so.

You will be spending more time together and simple things like how you manage mealtimes and domestic space can lead to arguments if you do not take time to plan and agree expectations.

Never assume that they feel the same as you do even if you have been together for 40 years!

Agreeing boundaries at the outset can save misunderstandings and set you up for success.

If one or both of you want to adapt a room to a ‘study’ or ‘home office’ try to be flexible and respect one another’s needs for space, without being threatened by it.

Agree whether you want to share lunchtime together, especially if one partner has a friend or friends over – is it appropriate for both of you to share these experiences or can you agree to let one another have time for personal friendships.

Step Four: The Positive Approach

However much you have been looking forward to retirement it will require adjustment for both of you.

Decide to make it good. Approach it with a positive attitude, learn from the things that work and don’t work and above all keep talking to one another about your feelings and experiences.

Life will continue to change and you will need to review your situation and your feelings frequently so as to ensure that you make this a thoroughly fulfilling time for you both.

This article was created: 20 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 13 November 2006.

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