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Civil partnership ceremony
Trevor Neilsen finally gets the chance to put his partnership with Geoff on a firmer footing with a ceremony at Chelsea Old Town Hall
Geoff and I have been together for almost 40 years so no-one can say that when at ages 74 (Geoff) and 68 (me) we decided to take advantage of the new Civil Partnership Act we were rushing into things.
This is the Act that some of the media called “The Gay Marriage Bill”, a term we don’t much like but we did like the fact that once we’d had the ceremony our new status would give us all the legal benefits of a married couple.
We had already arranged things like wills and joint-ownership in an orderly way but we felt becoming Civil Partners would make us feel just that little bit more secure. In fact for a time we all but treated it as a business transaction.
It was when Rosemary, one of Geoff’s sisters-in-law, on hearing the news said, “Yes, and apart from all that it proves you belong to each other” that we realised it was also a declaration of love.
At no time did we detect even the slightest hint of hostility from any source; if there was any embarrassment it was entirely on our side.
We encountered enthusiasm from every direction. Geoff’s family were delighted by our news. My family, all in Australia, where I was born, contains no close kin, but all my friends out there – very few of whom were gay gave us their fullest support.
The other thread that ran through the messages was “What a shame you had to wait so long!” This gave us pause. We remembered that when we met in 1966 our relationship was unlawful.
Eventually, after Wolfenden, we moved inside the pale. A few years after that we were able to raise a joint mortgage without any problems. We began to receive joint invitations to weddings, attended family funerals as a couple.
Later when I went into hospital for major surgery nobody raised an eyebrow when I made it clear Geoff was to be allowed into Intensive Care when I came around afterwards.
Having registered our intention to enter into a Civil Partnership in the Borough in which we lived (Hammersmith & Fulham) we chose the Rossetti Room at Chelsea Old Town Hall for the ceremony.
Geoff’s younger brother Douglas agreed to be one of our two witnesses, our close friend and neighbour Wally was the other. We had three other guests there: Doug’s wife, Susan, Wally’s fiancée Melanie, and our old friend, Bryn.
To keep the ceremony simple we decided to have a larger reception at our home the following day, for all those special friends and family with whom we wanted to share our special occasion.
There were no books of etiquette to give us any guidance so we were creating our own as we went along.
And this from two blokes who have always avoided the first models of anything new, waiting till generation three or four, after the teething problems had been sorted out.
On the day we presented ourselves 10 minutes before noon and were led into a small and elegant ante-room where the Registrar carefully entered our details on to a form called the Civil Partnership Schedule.
This would be our equivalent of a Wedding Certificate.
The Registrar was a very jolly lady and had to struggle to keep a straight face when she said in turn to each of us “I have to ask you this: are you male?” but despite her smiles at no time were we left in any doubt that this was a serious step.
We had decided against music, the exchange of rings, or any specially-written vows; in fact we would have been quite content simply to say nothing.
But we felt we owed our guests, now waiting in the elegant Rossetti Room next door, a “show” of some sort just to thank them for supporting us so we settled on the simplest form of words.
The Registration Officer welcomed us to the Rossetti Room reminding us that the signing of the Schedule is a legal and binding act.
He asked us if we agreed to continue with the registration. I think at this moment we could have said “I do” but Geoff said “Yes” and I forget what I said. It was a very exciting moment.
Next came a moment we hadn’t been expecting when the Registration Officer asked whether there was anyone present who knew of any reason why we two should not be joined together, etc.
After a beat he said with a smile “I’m never quite sure how long to wait after I ask that question.” Everybody chuckled and if any tension was gone in that instant.
Then we stood and following the Registration Officer’s cue Geoff repeated the few brief words we had chosen. “I, Geoffrey Benfield, hereby pledge to share my life openly with you, Trevor Neilsen” followed by “I, Geoffrey Benfield, take you, Trevor Neilsen, to be my civil partner under law.”
After I’d done the same the deed was done. It’s hard to imagine just how much that word “openly” meant to us. After all these years it was beyond doubt the most important word of the day.
Next we signed the Schedule - the moment when we were legally united in Civil Partnership – and then it was time for photographs.
Our celebration lunch at the Bibendum on Fulham Road was a great success as was the lunchtime party the following day.
It was interesting that when Wally did us the honour of making a speech he too made mention of how moving and significant he had found the word “openly”.
Did we feel any different afterwards? Well, for one thing we weren’t single any more – that will prove interesting the next time we have to fill out a form that asks one’s marital status.
It was like being in a looking glass world, everything the same but not quite the same. Who knows, perhaps before that ceremony we had been on the wrong side of the glass and now at last we were on the right side.
The subject of a name change never came up but it amused that in the post on Monday morning we received three envelopes addressed to Mr & Mrs Benfield, two of them from Saga!
Our Civil Partnership cost: 1) London Borough of Hammersmith & Fulham Notice of Intention to Register a Civil Partnership £30 each = £60
2) London Borough of Kensington & Chelsea Ceremony and Registration of Civil Partnership including hire of room £125
3) Bibendum Restaurant Lunch for seven people including drinks and service £355
4) Buffet lunch at home including drinks (minus some champagne provided by guests) £120
5) Bridesmaids’ dresses £zero
TOTAL £660
This article was created: 29 August 2006.
This article was last edited: 11 December 2006.
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