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Living apart together: love thy neighbour

Shirley Denny, 53, and her partner are rather different: they live next door to each other but run two separate homes. Like many divorced people, they decided that living alone together was the best option but it took some time to perfect the arrangement

They had two children each from previous marriages when they met (as did Anneliese and Paul, but theirs had grown up and flown the nest). “We were only ever interested in being romantic partners, not step-parents or co-parents,” says Shirley.

Nevertheless they tried living together (disastrous) and several miles apart (too much ferrying of children, duvets and homework folders) before deciding to run separate homes in adjacent houses.

“Twenty years on, the children have long since left home and this still suits us best; we have no responsibilities to one another, no financial dependency, the only thing that keeps us together is the joy of being together,” says Shirley.

Margaret Ticehurst and Brendon Creeven had been living together for nine years when he moved out.

“We'd had a tiff and he left a note saying he would be back for his stuff later. I think he thought our relationship was over, but I rang him and said, “Remember we've got people coming for supper tomorrow. What time will you be here?”

Brendon, 75, moved into a flat about 100 yards away. “When we lived in her flat I felt as if I was intruding,” he explains.

Despite being married and divorced twice, he had lived alone for long periods and liked it. “I miss Margaret when I've got nothing to do, but life tends to be so busy.”

Margaret, 66, has also been divorced twice but had never lived alone. “Not having to compromise was a revelation, because living together is all about compromise. Since Bren left I've decorated my bedroom completely in yellow, which he would have thought over the top.”

At first they needed the reassurance of being together very frequently but as time went by they slipped into a routine of seeing each other once or twice a week and most weekends.

“I'm not at all domestic but I suppose my place is more homely than his,” says Margaret when I ask where they meet most. “I'm not sure what he keeps here, I'll look in the airing cupboard. Socks, underpants, something to wear at night. We've both got a toothbrush in each house.”

They do yoga together and both work for the Liberal Democrats, while Margaret sits on 15 committees and Brendon has a plastics business and a couple of directorships.

“You do lose control living like this,” says Margaret. “If I ring and he's not there I won't know where he is, which isn't always comfortable. You have to stand back – some women would find that difficult.”

This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 11 December 2006.

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