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Living in sin at 60: Moira Connell and John Joyce

Schoolteacher Moira Connell, 55, worries that if she dies her postman partner John Joyce, who is 57, will experience legal complications claiming her pension

That, though, is not the reason they are thinking of marrying after 25 years of unmarried bliss.

“John did propose once, on a cycling tour of Ireland, and I said maybe. But it seemed unrealistic to predict what might happen in the future or make promises. It's much easier to marry when you're older, and celebrate the years you've had together.”

Moira is a woman of firm opinions who is not impressed with masculine presumptions. “I was a Sixties feminist and saw that women became subsumed into the man's world when they married – a woman even needed her husband's permission to open a bank account. Feminists of my age felt we had to make a statement: marriage was not for us.”

John and Moira's three children were largely brought up by John, who, says Moira, is not ambitious. “I expect the division of household chores to be based on personal abilities, not traditional expectations,” she says.

Moira insists her decision to cohabit rather than marry did not instil a sense of emotional insecurity into the relationship: “Having children was a bigger commitment than a mere piece of paper.”

She also has an interesting take on the usual view that the ties of marriage, and the messiness of divorce, help couples through bad patches that might otherwise separate them. “People who live together are aware that they are more fragile and so will try harder to make it work. If they are married it's easier to simply flounce out to the divorce courts.”

Written by David Lovibond 

This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 14 December 2006.

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