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Living apart together: your own space
Having your own space and the freedom to suit yourself is cited by almost everyone as the big advantage of living alone together
“For the whole of today and tomorrow I can do exactly what I want, or do nothing at all. When Ann's here I always feel we should be doing something,” says Donald King.
The fact is that all those I spoke to had an enormous amount to do, even those who were fully retired.
Several admitted that living alone together might not be so appealing to those with time on their hands.
The other advantages include not having to make compromises about television programmes, decoration or possessions (trying to cram two lifetimes' worth of furniture, books and so on into one house is a reason several couples cite for not moving in together).
Toni Wallace says: “I would feel inhibited about foisting my children and grandchildren on Bruce if we shared a house. I've got a large family and they are always around a lot in the holidays. While he can always join in, he's relieved to be able to go back to his own home.”
She is relieved that she doesn't have to put up with his snoring every night, and several other women expounded on the joys of not having to live with an untidy partner.
Asked about the disadvantages of living alone together, people are less vocal. Betty admits that she and her husband both feel lonely from time to time and although they live close enough to drop in on one another, now they have their own routines it's not always convenient. She also points out that having two sets of council tax and so forth is expensive.
Several LATs pointed out that living alone together is easier when you are older and freer from the demands of children and – one hopes – that green-eyed monster jealousy.
Cath Blackfeather who, like several others, bought a house to be nearer her partner without actually moving in, puts it like this: “When you are young you believe in the kind of romantic love that sees the two of you as parts of the same whole. Your identities merge and you believe things will stay like this forever. Our love is based on a recognition and respect for our separate needs. We choose to be together but don't define ourselves solely by our relationship.” Written by Serena Allott
This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 14 December 2006.
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