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Living in sin at 60: don’t forget the pre-nup
Relate's Paula Hill thinks that people are “probably financially secure by their sixties and the advantages of marriage have diminished. So why waste money getting married when you could go on a cruise? Older people are more adventurous now; they're not so inclined to obey the conventions.”
Severe money problems can arise for cohabitees, though, if the relationship breaks down or the home-owning partner dies. Unlike married couples in these circumstances, cohabitees may not be entitled to a share in the family home and will not have an automatic right to inherit – irrespective of how long they might have been together.
One Plus One, a charity devoted to marriage and partnership research, has found that older cohabitees face awkward choices. Director Penny Mansfield says long-term partners “often tip into marriage due to worries over inheritance tax and pension schemes. But other groups will worry about their financial independence and choose to protect their children's inheritance by not marrying”.
When problems afflict informal relationships the issue for older couples, it seems, is whether to risk a change of partners or hazard the sometimes greater risk of changing the nature of the relationship and marrying.
“Many older cohabitees have been married before and are nervous of marrying again,” says Ms Mansfield, “they worry about making a change because of loyalty to their first family.”
Even where mature couples are romantically inclined to marry, One Plus One thinks pragmatism generally has the edge in these ruminations: “If the relationship didn't last and a person gets older and becomes ill they will depend on their children – who might resent it if family assets had been dissipated.”
Agony aunt Andrea Kon agrees that it is fear of being alone that draws older couples together, but wisdom that keeps them from marrying. “When you're 60-plus it's much more likely that the head will lead than the heart. Older people have had enough time to see the young make mistakes with re-marriages, and really don't want to be obliged to wash another man's socks or nurse an ill person.”
“There can be so many complications with money and property when you marry in later life; people are taking their moral lessons from the young and simply not bothering,” she says.
But what about love and “honouring thee with my body”, and endowing the beloved with all available worldly goods? Old hat apparently.
So if you do decide to go ahead and do the deed anyway, then the message seems to be: Don't forget the pre-nup!
This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 15 August 2007.
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