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Starting a new relationship: are you ready?

Once you've addressed the practicalities of going about meeting someone new, there are the emotional and psychological issues to think about too

Denise Knowles of Relate knows only too well the pressures that older people face when they are thinking about finding new partner. They range from the familial to the downright physical.

“Many people feel embarrassed about dating again,” she says. “After years of being with the same partner, for instance, they worry about their body and about seeing someone else's. They worry about sexual performance and the different sexual expectations of another partner.”

Another issue is how to fit your new relationship alongside your memories and thoughts of a previous partner. “Those who've been bereaved, for instance, may worry about living with their past and sharing it with someone else,” says Knowles. “They sometimes feel intimidated about being confronted with their partner's memories too.”

Then there are the family issues. “Children can add to the pressures, criticising their parents for what they wrongly deem to be inappropriate behaviour by dating again,” she says. “People often feel that they cannot risk being disrespectful to the memory of the other parent. They won't risk the disapproval of their children for the sake of their own happiness.”

To help overcome some of these issues, Knowles suggests these steps:

• Decide exactly what you want from a relationship before you start, so you can focus on finding a person looking for the same thing.
• Talk to your children and family about the reasons why you want and need the companionship of a relationship beyond the family.
• Look for a partner who is interested in similar things to you. This will make the relationship easier to initiate and put you on common ground from the off.
• Talk to a potential partner about what you want from a relationship and how quickly or slowly you want things to go.
• Keep your family informed of developments in a relationship, so that nothing comes as a shock to them.

This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 15 August 2007.

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