Six tips for dating over 50

24 July 2017

The second in our series of sage advice about looking for new friends – or perhaps love – in later life from some of the 12,000 members of our Saga Dating website. These people really know what they’re talking about, so enjoy their words of wisdom



Keep an open mind

With the passing of the years one can develop an ‘I know what I want and I know how things are’ mindset. This sets up the expectation that a new person coming into my life ‘must’ see things the way I do and like the same things as me.

Naturally that is not practical or helpful. How many of us are prepared to admit, ‘Perhaps I haven’t got all the answers. Am I willing to listen to a different drumbeat? Dare I take some new chances with my thinking?’

This is the type of question we all need to ask ourselves when we’re considering starting a new relationship.

- Cristina

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Be true to yourself

Don’t expect everyone you meet to be right for you. Be honest and don’t pander to people. I made the mistake of trying to please and it doesn’t work. Be yourself at all times. I’d rather be disliked for who I am than loved for who I am not.

- Sarah

Get back out there

After losing my husband, I made the mistake of giving far too much away of myself and came across as needy. This is not good, as men like to see you as being independent. It’s better to wait until your confidence has returned, then get back out there in case it fades again!

Where we go wrong is in focusing too much on appearance. Initially that is all we have to go on, but we need to take a step back and look at the person from the inside out. That way you will find happiness much quicker than searching for something that may not be there.

Someone’s personality is what really matters, and perfection simply does not exist. What is most important is how the right person looks on the inside.

- Shania

Skype first

An absolute must is to put an authentic up-to-date photo online (with the date it was taken) and your real date of birth. How could anyone hope to start a healthy adult relationship based on lies?

I suggest Skyping one another before meeting in person. It allows you to protect your anonymity and it is easier to be able to chat, read the body language, and to get to know one another a little rather than bouncing emails or phone calls back and forth. It also enables either one to back out without creating too large a sense of rejection, which is not good for anyone’s self-esteem.

This seems to me to be much more practical than the organisation and expense of meeting up for a couple of hours but thinking within the first ten minutes, ‘I want to go home’.

- Crystal

Phone a friend

I think it is a good idea to ask one of your close friends to look at and comment on the profile that you have built online. Sometimes modesty can unwittingly make you play down your good points.

- Julian

Don't compare

Seeking a new mate to love does not detract any love from a previous one. Love expands. Don’t try to replicate your previous partner – your new one is a different individual, to be respected in their own right. Remember, they won’t appreciate comparisons!

- Michael

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The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated.

The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.