Dilemma: my girlfriend's mother doesn't approve

Jo Brand / 21 April 2017

A reader loves his girlfriend, but her mother, who she lives with, does not approve of the relationship.



Dilemma: I've fallen for a woman whose mother doesn't approve

This sounds ridiculous, but I’ve fallen in love with a woman in her early sixties and her mother is trying to put her off marrying me. 

They live together, so I think the mother is worried about being left on her own, but I can see that my girlfriend is completely torn. Help!

Jo Brand's advice

Or maybe her mother can’t stand you!

Only kidding. It sounds like you’re right and she’s worried about her own security. The older we get, the more resistant we are to change. You need to think seriously about what will happen to her mum. Are you prepared to have her living with you, or do you want to get rid of her as soon as the confetti has settled?

If at all possible, you need to get your future mother-in-law onside. She may need reassuring that you’re going to treat her daughter well, or that she is not going to be forgotten in the equation. I would ask her straight out why she’s trying to put her daughter off. Offer her alternatives and a choice. I suppose, given the age you are, it’s not dissimilar to taking on someone’s children and so consequently you have to include them in the future.

Bear in mind the older some women (and men) get, the more stubborn they become. I certainly have. So then you will have to decide between you and your intended how much you want to grab your chance of happiness in your not-quite-yet-twilight years.

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