Caring for grandchildren: Anna and Tom’s story
Anna, 55, and Tom, 61, had already reared three children of their own before caring for their grandson, Stephen. He is now 14 and autistic “We said we’d care for him for a few weeks when he was a baby while his mother sorted herself out. We didn’t realise it would be forever but he’s gorgeous and a darling,” Anna says. Her resilience and ability to extract the positive out of the toughest of circumstances, is moving. She is a trained parent-partner, supporting parents of children with special needs. Anna’s husband has been severely disabled since his thirties and she is also nursing her octogenarian mother, who has breast cancer. “I see myself as blessed,” she says unequivocally. “My husband is lovely and Stephen is a great companion. I don’t think you can beat a good family for love. Yes, money is scarce. We don’t own a car. We don’t go on holiday but I don’t feel as if we’re doing without. “It depends what you want to do with the later years in life. Some people want to travel or take up new hobbies. We were waiting for something interesting to come along – and it did in the shape of Stephen.” Stephen’s mother, Kate – Anna’s daughter – was 18 and in a violent relationship when she became pregnant. “Her boyfriend would come round and break all the windows. He was telling her to have a termination. I told her, ‘Don’t let him pressure you into doing something you might regret.’ Besides, we’re Catholic, we don’t do abortion.” Kate now lives in New Zealand and is happily married with two more children. When Stephen was newly born Kate asked her parents if they would have him temporarily while she moved to London and “settled in”. After several weeks, she asked if they would care for him permanently. “She was young and had other things to do,” Anna says. Anna and Tom became Stephen’s legal guardians. In primary school, Stephen was bullied but in secondary school he is flourishing. “He said, ‘Granny, I want to do a paper round like everyone else.’ His autism makes him vulnerable, so we go out together every morning at 6.45 and do the round together,” Anna says. She has always been granny. “He has a mum and he’s very clear about that,” Anna says emphatically. Stephen is happy when his mother visits from New Zealand, as she did recently, but just as happy when she leaves. His father has no contact with him. Most grandparents, however, eventually do have to answer the question, “Why don’t my mummy and daddy want me?”
This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 14 December 2006.
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