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Caring for carers
When you are caring for someone who depends on your support, whether it’s a partner, parent or friend, don’t overlook your own needs
Figures from the National Office of Statistics showed that by looking after someone at home, the seven million unpaid adult carers in the UK save the state £34 billion. There can be a personal price to pay, however, if you forget to look after yourself. The charity CarersUK found that a third of carers had never had a break and 65 per cent agreed that their health had been affected by caring.
The Government’s National Strategy for Carers states that carers have a right to see their own health needs met but that they need support to maintain their own health, both physical and emotional. Taking time to look after yourself can make all the difference to your general wellbeing.
Take a breakTry to make some time for yourself every day. It is not selfish because regular breaks are vital and having your own space for a while can prevent you from becoming exhausted, both mentally and physically. If you have to arrange for someone to be with the person you care for, he or she may also appreciate having some different company for a while.
Time for youAt home simple things can make a difference. You could perhaps get up a little earlier some days and enjoy some uninterrupted time to yourself before the day begins or try to fit in a quiet cup of coffee once the morning routine is over.
Get out of the houseDepending on the circumstances, try to make time at least for a short walk most days, and go for a swim, meet a friend for coffee or a meal as often as you can. Longer breaks are important too, either on your own, with the person you care for or with family and friends.
Home aloneIt can be something of a relief to have the house to yourself once in a while, so investigate the possibilities of day centres, and of family, friends or a paid helper taking the person you care for out now and again.
Deal with stressThere will be all sorts of reasons why you might feel stressed – worrying about the future, money, the health of the person you care for. It can show itself in numerous ways and there are often physical effects too. You may find it hard to sleep, be very irritable or tearful or have headaches, rashes or problems with your digestion.
You’ll be able to deal with stress more successfully if you choose the approaches that best suit your own personality. Some people will really enjoy sitting quietly meditating or listening to a relaxation tape, others will get rid of their stress in more physical ways by going for a run or working in the garden.
Your doctor may be able to help with medication for the physiological symptoms associated with stress. He or she may suggest seeing a counsellor or other professional therapist.
Over-the-counter or herbal remedies may improve symptoms such as insomnia, while many people find that complementary therapies such as reflexology, acupuncture and aromatherapy massage are most helpful when it comes to reducing stress levels.
Eat wellYou will have a better chance of staying fit – and recovering more quickly from any illness – if you try to eat as well as possible. Include plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables in your daily diet.
Choose high-fibre carbohydrate-rich foods such as pasta, wholemeal bread and beans to give you longer-lasting energy. And if you fancy the occasional chocolate éclair or gin and tonic – remind yourself that you deserve a treat now and then.
It may be difficult for you to eat at the same time as the person you care for, so snacking is a good alternative. You can have smaller portions of main meals or opt for your favourite snacks – baked beans on toast, soup and wholemeal bread, filled pitta breads and sandwiches are all quick and easy to prepare.
Keep movingRegular exercise will keep you fit and supple and there is plenty of research to show that regular exercise (20 minutes a day, five times a week) helps lift depression, lessens the risks of diseases such as diabetes, reduces stress and even improves memory.
You may not have time to go to a regular exercise class but try to plan a brisk 20-minute walk, cycle ride or swim most days. If you can’’t spare long stretches of time, break your exercising down into smaller chunks. Even if you cannot get out regularly, you can do stretches and jogging on the spot at home.
Turn daily tasks into part of an exercise routine – running up and down stairs, walking briskly whenever you are out, making sure that you bend and stretch correctly when you lift anything.
Take controlKnowing your rights and making sure that you and the person you care for are getting all the help and benefits you are entitled to will help you to feel more confident.
Get to know the system and whenever you contact a professional, make a note of his or her name, telephone number or address, the date you were in touch and what was said or agreed.
Try to build good relationships but don’t let yourself be sidelined or overlooked. Be clear in your mind about what you want and, where possible, put it in writing.
It always helps to plan ahead. If possible, request a service or order equipment before a crisis arises, as you will be in a better position to get what you need.
Share your feelingsHowever much you love or like the person you care for, you can still have times when you feel angry, frustrated or resentful. Relationships often change when you start caring for someone and it does help to talk about this.
If you cannot talk to the person you care for you could find that sharing experiences with other carers is a good release – especially when you realise that your feelings are perfectly normal and nothing to feel guilty about.
Some people feel more comfortable confiding in professionals, so a relationship counsellor or psychotherapist could help you to sort through your conflicting emotions – and remind you that you are doing a great job.
This article was created: 15 February 2007.
This article was last edited: 22 March 2007.
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