Fostering: Chris’s family
Chris Cheese, who fosters for the Catholic Children’s Society, tells all the children who leave her that they are taking a piece of her heart with them “And they are. I always cry, but if they’ve learnt a little then it’s been worthwhile.” She recently had a call from an ex-foster child who said, “I’ve rung to talk to you about my worries and muddles because I could always talk to you.” Chris started fostering six years ago aged 49. She had considered it when her own two sons, who are 33 and 29, were growing up, but thought it might compromise their best interests. Instead she worked in residential children’s homes, but once her boys had flown the nest – far from relishing her freedom – she felt the time had come to “do something more helpful”. “I wanted to work with emotionally damaged children. I was ready for a 24-hour commitment – they need nurturing and I’m like a Mum to them. What do I earn? I don’t know, about £1 an hour, but money doesn’t interest me.” Her sons initially thought that she and her husband John, a manager at Dartford River crossing, were mad. “But once they realised how much we wanted to do it, they backed us all the way. They baby-sit, take the children out for me. It’s happy families.” However, in some cases the happy family has to encompass “really, really awful” behaviour, including smashing up the furniture. “The thing is to defuse the situation before it gets out of hand and, with experience, you can.” Like all the carers I spoke to, she finds the children – she has babies to 12-year-olds – respond well to the structure of regular meals and bedtimes. Most are pathetically pleased that someone cares what they are doing. “Some need gentle persuasion to behave properly. If they’re wiping their dinner all over the walls I’ll say, ‘Are you going to sit and eat sensibly like a family or do you want to eat on your own?’” She uses “time out” or missing out on some treat or activity to discipline them.
This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 14 December 2006.
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