Fostering: Pat’s family
Ask Pat Tilsey how many children slept in her house last night and she stops to think before she comes up with seven: her 18-year-old son, who is disabled, her 15-year-old daughter, the daughter’s friend, three foster children, the youngest of whom – a two-year-old with cerebral palsy – she is dandling on her knee, and a grandchild Organising such a household would leave most women frazzled but 59-year-old Pat – who, early in our conversation, is interrupted first by her foster daughter, then by her daughter, then by her foster son who wants to be in on the action – remains quite calm.
Each time, with firm good humour she sends the small boy out of the room until finally he plays his trump card: the three-year-old granddaughter needs the loo.
When Pat comes back having dealt with this, she scoops the two-year-old back on to her knee and is rewarded with a smile that could illuminate all Blackpool.
The two-year-old on Pat Tilsey’s knee is the 20th child she has looked after since she started fostering 14 years ago. Five of her own six children had been born when she and her husband, a structural steel-worker, first started caring for the son of friends, after his parents separated.
At 14 he was a couple of years older than Pat’s oldest son, Christopher. “It was like having a nephew living with us. He stayed for two and a half years and we enjoyed the experience. When he left we decided we would like to do it again.”
Her husband died eight years ago and she admits that it is hard not having him around to discuss matters with. As a couple they had chosen to take short-term placements.
“So if things weren’t working out the end would be in sight. The last thing we wanted was to have to say, ‘We’re not coping with this child, we don’t want it any more’. In fact, there are some you really fall in love with but I don’t think I’ve ever had one I didn’t like.”
She grew used to children arriving with very little warning: once, in the case of a child who had just witnessed its sibling being murdered by its stepfather, she had only half an hour’s notice in the middle of the night.
But over the years things changed and Pat’s oldest two foster children (both of whom are in touch with their birth mothers) have been with her for seven or eight years and the youngest for most of his short life.
“I always look on them as my own. Quite soon my foster daughter will be able to make up her own mind, but as far as I’m concerned she can stay for ever.”
She also expects her foster sons to be with her long-term and the two-year-old’s needs are such that she will not be taking on any other children for the foreseeable future. “But that has nothing to do with my age,” she insists.
“I think I’ve become more relaxed over the years, which makes the job easier. Also, I’m lucky in that the children I have now all have good social workers and so do I.”
It seems unlikely that Pat does this job for the money. With local authorities, the recommended minimum, excluding allowances, is between £106 and £190 per child per week but each council sets its own scale.
“I don’t think I make money out of it,” she says. “It all goes into the pot, and when we have enough for a holiday we take one.”
Her motive appears to be enjoyment of the large, diverse family she runs with easy efficiency.
While single-handedly looking after a sizeable house and a garden with a swimming pool and big vegetable patch, she still keeps her hand in as a physiotherapist and spends “special time” with each child every day.
This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 14 December 2006.
 Email  Back to top
|
