Caring for grandchildren: Tracey and Nigel’s story
Tracey Hibberd and her husband, Nigel, a long-distance lorry driver, had three daughters, Kaylegh, now 18, and twins Laura and Amy Four years ago, when the twins were 21, Laura gave birth to her first child; but she developed a rare heart problem and died when her baby, Zac, was only a few weeks old. Only 18 months after Laura had married, her funeral was held in the same church. Tracey was only 40 when she had to mourn the loss of her child, at the same time as becoming a parent to her grandson while also raising her third daughter, Kaylegh, then 14. Tracey says, “They say grief is like standing on the edge of a big black hole. As time passes, you move further away from the edge. Instead, in those first few months, I felt as if I’d fallen in and would never climb out.” Laura had been married for nine months when she became pregnant. After her death, Zac’s father moved in with Tracey and Nigel. “He was lovely but circumstances changed and he changed,” Tracey says. “He moved out and took Zac with him. After six weeks, he said, ‘I can’t do this, will you have him?’” Later, Zac’s father, then in another relationship, changed his mind. The son-in-law and grandparents became involved in a court battle. Again, while Zac’s father had legal aid, Tracey and Nigel had to fund themselves. They are now Zac’s legal guardians. Tracey says she’s luckier than some grandparents because she is younger and the gap between her and other mothers is narrower. “Some grandparents feel really awkward at the school gate. It’s easier for me.” Then she turns to Zac: “Where has mummy Laura gone?” she asks him. He briefly stops wrestling with his cousin Matthew, “Gone to heaven,” he says, and robustly resumes playing. “When it thunders, we say mummy’s playing skittles again,” Tracey smiles. Recently, Nigel and Tracey renewed their marriage vows after 20 years. “It was a lovely celebration and it signalled that, as a family, I think we’ve turned a corner. The sense of loss will never go away but the grieving is becoming easier.”
This article was created: 13 July 2006.
This article was last edited: 14 December 2006.
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