Dilemma: my daughter is gay, should I tell her father?

Katharine Whitehorn / 27 January 2016

Agony aunt Katharine Whitehorn hears from a reader who is not sure whether she should tell her husband that their daughter is gay.



Dilemma: gay daughter

Over the past few months I have come to realise that my daughter’s “best friend”, who often stays with us when she does, is in fact her partner.

I was thrown by this and haven’t yet been able to say anything to my daughter about it, though I realise that I have to accept what she does with her life.

The problem is whether I ought to tell my husband. He is fond of all our children and proud of them – we have four – but is very traditional in many ways; he has occasionally referred to “poofters”, for example, though we tease him when he does.

Katharine Whitehorn's advice

A tricky one, this: you hate to keep secrets from your husband, and certainly when it’s a question of “Don’t tell Daddy!” and a small child, you wouldn’t hesitate to tell unless you had promised not to.

But the secrets of older children are different – and maybe your daughter hasn’t brought the matter up with you because she knows you would worry about telling her father.

I think you should leave it to her – and continue to treat her partner as just a friend, unless and until your daughter tells you otherwise.

Read our tips for building a relationship with an adult child.

Our readers say...

We also asked our Facebook followers for their advice...

"Why should that change the love he has for his daughter?"

"He should love her no matter what, he's her father."

"Your daughter's decision. NOT yours."

Follow us on Facebook to take part in daily discussions.

The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated.

The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.