The Naked Pensioner - drumming up (topless) business in Peckham
Scanning the small ads in The Stage, more in hope than expectation, produced a request for ladies who were interested in becoming a piece of conceptual art This involved an appearance at the South London Gallery in something called The withdrawal from conversation/the return of the Oceanic; the weight of the breast. (Twenty Women Playing the Drums Topless). You didn’t have to be able to play the drums, but you did have to be topless and this definitely sounded like an opportunity for me. I was certainly no drummer but I contacted them and I was accepted. At this point a slight feeling of uneasiness set in, as it so often does for me. Nudity in an art gallery, in the presence of members of the public is quite a different thing from nudity on a film set, where people are sternly warned to keep away if they don’t have to be there and to turn their backs if they do, and someone stands by with a dressing-gown to protect your modesty as soon as you’re out of shot. Here, I was letting myself in for something altogether more exposed. I hesitated, wondering if I should get my husband to phone and explain that I had succumbed to a sudden attack of rabbit-flu – or something. But then, the money they were offering was very good for a couple of hours work… even better because I’d made the arrangements myself and there was no agent’s commission. I abandoned the rabbit-flu, and decided to go ahead. But still, I was feeling rather nervous when I arrived at Peckham Rye Station. As I stood outside, getting my bearings a young woman came up to me and asked if I knew the way to the South London Gallery. “I’m going there myself,” I said. “Follow me.” “I thought I recognised you,” she said gloomily. “Are you going to be topless?” I admitted that I was. “We’ll stick together,” she said. “If it looks – funny, we’ll walk out.” I agreed. After all – artists – you never know how funny they might get. In the theatrical tradition we were among the earliest arrivals. The first surprise was the sight of the drums. I had been expecting something tribal, groups of bare breasted ladies crouched round talking drums perhaps. But, just being set up in the gallery space were twenty elaborate and expensive drum kits. For some reason this was quite soothing. So were the artists organising the event, and the ladies who began arriving. Everyone seemed really nice. By the time the pizza and cups of tea appeared the whole event was taking on the air of an Old Girls Reunion. We might have known each other for years. Backstage, we made our preparations: we took off our tops and bras – rather as if we were changing for gym, except some ladies then applied oil or glitter, some nipple decorations. There was a whole range of shapes, from the young and pert – to the more generously proportioned. We could hear the audience arriving (I heard afterwards that 250 people came, making it one of the most successful events staged at the gallery). All we had to do was to walk out (with our tops on), take our places, whip off the tops and start drumming. And, we were told, if anyone in the audience was funny they would be taken out. But no one was at all funny. They seemed to be delighted by the unusual spectacle of twenty ladies (and forty breasts), whaling hell out of twenty drum kits for forty five minutes. They even asked for an encore.
I quite enjoyed it myself.
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Reader commentsWhy not try naturism next. It's a wonderful feeling totally relaxing and natural. It's not about having the perfect body but being at ease with yourself. Everybody should try it. You don't know what you're missing. Posted by: Chris | 4/12/2006 11:54:15 AM Hi Samantha - this particular piece was also performed at the Icon Gallery in Birmingham - so there may well be events available further North.
and GH honestly, the beauty of the whole thing was that it didn't matter what our figures were like! Posted by: Erminette | 27/9/2006 1:03:18 AM Why is topless such a big deal? If you've lived in tribal Africa it's an uremarkable everyday occurrence. Remember those shivering people who crossed the Gateshead Millennium Bridge in the buff? My comment is short - So what! Posted by: Mary Strick | 26/9/2006 9:45:10 PM Is it only London that have all these exciting events where us poor pensioners could make a few extra coppers, or are there any vacancies in the North? Posted by: Samantha | 25/9/2006 3:16:21 PM What a hoot! Oh I wish I had the breasts (and the rest) to do something like that... what a tale to tell the grandkids. Posted by: GH | 21/9/2006 3:33:07 PM
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