Stuck, Thursday 8th September, 10pm, BBC Two
My wife and daughter have been away this week, leaving me at home with our 14-year-old son. In the evenings, I would drag him, kicking and screaming, from his X-Box, and we would sit down to watch a film together. It was delightful, apart from one thing: It was practically impossible to find a film that wasn’t at least two-and-a-half hours long.
When did this happen? And why? Are films now so full of their own self-importance that they think a decent story can’t be told in anything shorter? I remember when films used to be 90 minutes long. It was bliss. Now, you get 90 minutes into a movie and have the sinking realisation that you’re only at the halfway stage. I suppose I should feel grateful that my son didn’t want to watch Logistics, a Swedish art film that is 35 days and 17 hours long. That’s an awful lot of pee breaks.
Anyway, as an antidote to all of this celluloid longevity, I watched Dylan Moran’s new sitcom, Stuck, starting this Thursday on BBC Two. Each episode is 15 minutes long. I could have wept with joy.
For those of you unfamiliar with Moran, he’s an Irish stand-up, and writer and star of Black Books, a marvellous sitcom that was on air fully two decades ago (where does the time go?)
Moran plays Dan, a middle-aged advertising creative, who lives with his younger partner Carla (Morgana Robinson) in a small flat neither of them much like. Carla works as a PA for a new age therapist. We first encounter the couple in their bedroom. There is an element of the makeshift, studenty vibe about the place. His bedside table is a chair. Hers is a cabinet whose door won’t close. He’s lying there, scratching himself, and she’s doing a relationships quiz. It’s fair to say, the first flush of romance has long since left the building.
They want more from life. They’re skint – and that’s in a world where you don’t need to take out a mortgage to pop the heating on for ten minutes. He’s got a rich brother, who he’s unwilling to ask for money. There’s talk, obliquely, of having a family, but it all seems a good way off. And then disaster strikes at Dan’s work, and their complicated, unfulfilled lives become a bit more complicated and a bit less fulfilled.
This makes it all sound rather miserable – and there is a certain air of melancholy about their situation – but the truth is, Stuck is great fun. What elevates it is marvellous performances by the two leads. Moran is world-weary, acerbic and wry, while Robinson has never been better as the sparky, funny and neurotic Carla.
The comedy has a feel very similar to Channel 4’s excellent Catastrophe – both feature funny, wisecracking couples who are somewhat ground down by life, unsatisfied with their lot, exhausted, and stuck in a relationship that is slightly routine, but also underpinned by a genuine love for one another. That, one very much suspects, is a situation that most married couples can relate to.
And, glory be, it’s only 15 minutes long, so you can dip in, give it a quick watch, and see if you like it enough to go on to episode two which, conveniently enough, is on BBC Two right after episode one.
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Martin Compston’s Scottish Fling 1/6, Friday 9th September, 9:30pm, BBC Two
A few months ago, Channel 4 showed a delightful documentary series which featured an odd-couple celebrity duo (Miriam Margolyes and Alan Cumming) travelling around Scotland in a camper van to reconnect with their homeland, meeting a series of quirky characters and partaking in some unusual activities. Now, for this new BBC series, an odd-couple-celebrity duo (Martin Compston and Phil Machugh) are travelling around Scotland in a camper van to reconnect with their homeland, meeting a series of quirky characters and partaking in some unusual activities. You may find the covering of such familiar ground irksome. I suppose it all depends on how much you enjoy watching odd-couple celebrity duos travelling around Scotland in camper vans to reconnect with their homeland, meeting a series of quirky characters and partaking in some unusual activities.
Luckily, I have quite a high tolerance for watching odd-couple celebrity duos travelling around Scotland in camp… (PLEASE STOP IT – Ed) And this is lovely stuff. To be fair, it’s difficult to make a boring programme about Scotland – its majestic scenery and the warmth of its people see to that. (And I’m not just writing that to get in my Glaswegian father-in-law’s good books, though admittedly it’s an added bonus).
You may well be familiar with Martin Compston as the star of BBC One’s excellent Line of Duty – although if that’s the only place you’ve ever encountered him, you’ll be surprised to learn he’s got a broad Scottish accent. He’s a Greenock boy, on Scotland’s west coast, not far from Glasgow. You’re less likely to be familiar with Phil MacHugh, who is a TV presenter whose career has predominantly been on Scottish television.
We are told the two are old friends – though it would be interesting to discover how they met, and how far back they go. Perhaps it will become evident in subsequent episodes. But the pair have an ease and warmth between them that invites the viewer in. Oddly enough, considering the show bears his name, Compston seems the quieter of the two, content to sit back and watch the more flamboyant MacHugh take centre stage.
They start off by visiting Dunoon, a west coast peninsula that used to be popular with holidaymakers from Glasgow. And yes, I’ve been there with my father-in-law. It was lovely. We could see seals from our cottage. On arrival, they head to the mini golf course, which looks to have seen better days. Here, they play a round with Lawrence Chaney, drag queen and winner of Drag Race UK, who hails from the area. They reflect on the Scottish tradition of tolerance, and on the decline of the tourist industry.
Next, Martin and Phil clamber aboard their transport and accommodation for the trip – a camper van called Celine Dion – and head off to Loch Lomond for a mountain stroll with Zahrah Mahmood, an Instagrammer known as the Hillwalking Hijabi. Then it’s on to Inver restaurant by Loch Fyne, the only restaurant in Scotland with a Green Michelin Star, signifying ethicality and sustainability. Here, they’re treated to a meal of oysters (Martin chooses to pass, and I’m totally with him!) trout head (yes, really) and baked potato ice cream (yes, also really!)
The two hole up for the night amidst the rural splendour of Glencoe. It’s undeniably beautiful, but as they sit, with the rain hammering down, drinking out of tin mugs and reflecting on the glories of a camping holiday in Scotland, it’s difficult not to be reminded of the joys of an evening cocktail on a sun-kissed Mediterranean beach.
The next day, it’s time for some serious activity, in the form of coasteering. This seems to involve lots of scrambling along coastal cliffs, before jumping off them into the sea. It looks like bracing good fun or absolute hell on Earth, depending on your tolerance of cold water and heights.
The whole programme canters along at a decent lick – it’s half-an-hour, as opposed to the usual hour for travelogues – and with the easy banter of Compston and MacHugh, some top Scottish tunes (including a personal favourite by Deacon Blue) and the ubiquitous Scottish scenery, this is a delightful way of spending half an hour.
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The best… and the rest:
Saturday 3rd September
The Masked Dancer, 6:30pm, ITV: Joel Dommett returns with the contest in which a panel of judges must guess the identities of celebrities dancing in elaborate costumes. In the first edition, Candlestick, Scissors, Astronaut, Odd Socks, Prawn Cocktail and Pillar and Post take to the stage, with newcomer Peter Crouch joining regulars Oti Mabuse, Jonathan Ross and Davina McCall.
The Voice UK, 8pm, ITV: Emma Willis hosts the return of the spinning-chair singing contest, with Anne-Marie, Olly Murs, Tom Jones and Will.i.am on the coaching panel once again. In the opening edition the four mentors will be selecting their teams through blind auditions, where looks play no part in the selection process and each singer is chosen on vocal ability alone.
Sid James: Comedy Icon, 8pm, Channel 5: A profile of the comedy actor, best known for starring in many films of the Carry On franchise, with contributions from family, friends, co-stars and fans. The programme looks at his early life in South Africa, his start in films as a heavy in 1940s and 1950s crime thrillers, and his big break appearing in Hancock's Half Hour on radio and TV.
Roxy Music & Bryan Ferry at the BBC, 9:30pm, BBC Two: Archive performances by the band, who were innovative and helped create the look and sound of the 1970s, while their frontman Ferry's solo career saw him hit new heights as the embodiment of sophisticated cool.
Sunday 4th September
Gino’s Italy: Like Mamma Used To Make, 7:30pm, ITV: Gino D’Acampo returns to his motherland to learn more from the Mammas of Italy for this brand new six-part ITV series. In a personal food odyssey, Gino will be travelling the length and breadth of Italy from Naples to Arezzo and Bologna, to encounter local dishes from families and their matriarchs along the way.
Doc Martin 1/8, 9pm, ITV: Martin Clunes returns to Cornwall to play the nation’s favourite grumpy medic for the last time in the final series of the hugely successful ITV drama. He stars as Dr Martin Ellingham, the GP with a brusque bedside manner and a phobia of blood, in eight new episodes of the popular drama set in the idyllic hamlet of Portwenn in Cornwall.
Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins, 9pm, Channel 4: The brand-new series sees 14 celebrity recruits face the toughest course to date, played out in the unforgiving and epic terrain of the Jordanian desert. The celeb line-up includes ex-footballer Ashley Cain, professional dancers AJ Pritchard and brother Curtis Pritchard, Olympic sprinter Dwain Chambers, taekwondo Olympic gold medallist Jade Jones and, at 61 the show’s oldest ever recruit, Fatima Whitbread.
Monday 5th September
The Boys from Brazil: Rise of the Bolsonaros, 9pm, BBC Two: Documentary telling the story of how Brazil's president Jair Bolsonaro and his three sons, also politicians, came to wield enormous power in his country. The first edition reveals how Bolsonaro made a remarkable rise from the political fringe to the edge of presidential power, using controversy and the power of TV to lead a political insurgency.
24 Hours in A&E, 9pm, Channel 4: New series of the touching fly-on-the-wall documentary. Fifty-year-old Sara is rushed to A&E having collapsed at her place of work following a thunderclap headache. Doctors are concerned she may have a bleed on the brain. In Paediatrics, 13-year-old Flynn hit a car riding his bike. And 52-year-old Jane visits A&E concerned by a headache.
Tuesday 6th September
First Dates Hotel, 9pm, Channel 4: A sizzling new season begins at the First Dates Hotel in Italy. Singletons from across the UK have booked a room, seeking love with the help of manager Fred Sirieix and his team of Cupids.
Wednesday 7th September
Mary Berry – Cook & Share, 8pm, BBC Two: Mary journeys to some of the places closest to her heart, sharing memories from her past and creating new ones, while inspiring those she meets along the way with delicious recipes. In the first episode, Mary works behind the scenes at an Indian wedding, helping the caterers pull-off a huge event that feeds 400 people from morning to night, and adding a recipe of her own to the menu.
Nadiya’s Everyday Baking 1/6, 8:30pm, BBC Two: Nadiya Hussain provides the inspiration to bring the joy of baking into everyday lives, and celebrates bakers across Britain, shining a light on their favourite bakes. She begins with treats for an easy Afternoon Tea, from striped meringue lollipops to coffee cake with dalgona coffee cream and dreamy butterscotch cheesecake bars.
Arena: James Joyce’s Ulysses, 9pm, BBC Two: One hundred years after its publication, Arena reveals the tawdry, shocking, poetic, uplifting and gloriously kaleidoscopic humanity of Joyce's masterpiece. The film celebrates Joyce's daringly modernist style, spattered with language so scurrilous that it remains shocking to this day, which changed the novel, and writing, forever.
Thursday 8th September
Katie Price: Trauma and Me, 9pm, Channel 4: Media personality Katie Price explores her mental health and diagnosis of having PTSD in this one-off documentary, filmed in the aftermath of last year's car accident that hit headlines. Katie discusses what drove her to total breaking point and what steps she's now taking to prevent a return to those dark days.
Police, camera, Murder, 9pm, ITV: Police, Camera, Murder focuses on the fascinating role digital forensics plays in modern murder investigations. With unprecedented access to Greater Manchester Police (GMP) and Lancaster Police murder squads, viewers go behind-the-scenes of some of the most complex Category A murder investigations in the country.
Friday 9th September
Mortimer & Whitehouse: Gone Fishing, 9pm, BBC Two: Bob and Paul start the series by fishing the beautiful river Exe in Devon, looking for Grilse, also known as the ‘summer silver’. After a day of limited success, they enjoy a game of cricket before having a go at some shore fishing at Bossington Beach in Somerset.
Gogglebox, 9pm, Channel 4: Britain's sharpest armchair critics return for a new series, sharing their insightful and passionate takes on the week's biggest and best TV shows.
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