The passing of this gloriously absurd upper class soap (it’s basically Corrie with frocks) fills me with such gloom that I, like Lord Grantham himself, wish that I could stop the march of time. Damn you, progress! Confound you, new drama projects.
We want to stay at Downton forever, until Sybbie and George and Marigold are all lamenting the problems of heating such a large house during the miners’ strike.
But we are will not make a scene. We will accept this reality with stoicism befitting of our class (I assume we’re all toffs here,
yes? Good!) Instead, why not sit up straight, insert a good dose of starch into that upper lip, and complete our Downton Abbey prediction game for what’s in store in these last few, precious weeks together… (sniff)… No, no, I just have something of a cold…
1.Financial reality is rearing its tediously bourgeois head at Downton once more. How will Lord Grantham ensure the survival of the estate?
a. Get rid of some servants (they’re not really people anyway). They might even have to scrape by on a skeleton staff of only 20.
b. Introduce some brilliant new land/farming policy in a storyline that will bore the nation into a Sunday night catatonia.
c. Open the world’s poshest B&B, complete with gold-leaf Kellogg’s variety packs for brekkie.
d. Make some cutbacks on catering – serve only Lambrini and Tesco’s own brand Strong Dry Cider.
2. At least one person below stairs is for the chop. (Never mind, working is frightfully gauche anyway). Will it be:
a. Thomas Barrow – how he’s managed to stay in a job this long is anyone’s guess. His employers are clearly morons.
b. Daisy – she’s got a bit of a tendency to whinge, and she’s been exhibiting some dangerously revolutionary opinions of late.
c. Molesley – he’s just not one of life’s winners, bless him.
d. All of them. It’s the last series!
3. Lady Edith’s life hasn’t exactly been a giggle-fest in recent years. We think it’s about time things changed. But what will cheer her up this series?
a. The return of Michael Gregson, who’s just been lost in the backstreets of Munich for two years.
b. She’ll become a brilliant newspaper editor, and will go on to steal the online news market by recognising the importance of the Internet sixty years before it’s even invented.
c. She’ll elope to a bungalow in Tenby, where she’ll live in a polygamous marriage with Harry Styles and Brad Pitt.
d. She’ll smile. Sorry, we’re clearly getting carried away now.
4. Isobel and the Dowager Countess are at war again, this time over the future of the hospital. What will happen?
a. The countess will win, will rename the hospital after herself, and demand that all patients turn towards her portrait and sing a hymn every morning.
b. Isobel will win, and will turn the hospital into a self-funding workers’ collective and LGBT-friendly commune.
c. The hospital will stagnate as the pair battle, the A&E will have to close its doors, and ambulances will be diverted to Thirsk.
d. We don’t care. WE DON’T CARE! This storyline has DNR scrawled all over its charts.
5. Anna and Bates have been through more ups-and-downs than a jack-in-the-box on a pogo stick on an ocean liner in a hurricane. How will the series leave them?
a. Dying in excruciating agony in the scullery, after a terrible accident involving shoe polish.
b. Buying Downton themselves after some implausible moment of good fortune.
c. Living in glorious contentment in a cottage on the estate, with a child either through adoption or, you know, that mucky business.
d. Living in a tent in… oh, what’s the point, we all know it’s going to be ‘c’.
6. There are still a worrying number of singletons at Downton. It’s time Cupid paid a visit. Who’s likely to get in the way of his arrows?
a. Molesley and Baxter (do get on with it)
b. Lady Mary – again!
c. Lady Edith.
e. Thomas (we’re starting to stretch it here..)
f. Mrs Padmo… (okay, that’s enough of this nonsense – Ed)
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