Keep an open mind
With the passing of the years one can develop an ‘I know what I want and I know how things are’ mindset. This sets up the expectation that a new person coming into my life ‘must’ see things the way I do and like the same things as me.
Naturally that is not practical or helpful. How many of us are prepared to admit, ‘Perhaps I haven’t got all the answers. Am I willing to listen to a different drumbeat? Dare I take some new chances with my thinking?’
This is the type of question we all need to ask ourselves when we’re considering starting a new relationship.
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Be true to yourself
Don’t expect everyone you meet to be right for you. Be honest and don’t pander to people. I made the mistake of trying to please and it doesn’t work. Be yourself at all times. I’d rather be disliked for who I am than loved for who I am not.
Get back out there
After losing my husband, I made the mistake of giving far too much away of myself and came across as needy. This is not good, as men like to see you as being independent. It’s better to wait until your confidence has returned, then get back out there in case it fades again!
Where we go wrong is in focusing too much on appearance. Initially that is all we have to go on, but we need to take a step back and look at the person from the inside out. That way you will find happiness much quicker than searching for something that may not be there.
Someone’s personality is what really matters, and perfection simply does not exist. What is most important is how the right person looks on the inside.
An absolute must is to put an authentic up-to-date photo online (with the date it was taken) and your real date of birth. How could anyone hope to start a healthy adult relationship based on lies?
I suggest Skyping one another before meeting in person. It allows you to protect your anonymity and it is easier to be able to chat, read the body language, and to get to know one another a little rather than bouncing emails or phone calls back and forth. It also enables either one to back out without creating too large a sense of rejection, which is not good for anyone’s self-esteem.
This seems to me to be much more practical than the organisation and expense of meeting up for a couple of hours but thinking within the first ten minutes, ‘I want to go home’.
Phone a friend
I think it is a good idea to ask one of your close friends to look at and comment on the profile that you have built online. Sometimes modesty can unwittingly make you play down your good points.
Seeking a new mate to love does not detract any love from a previous one. Love expands. Don’t try to replicate your previous partner – your new one is a different individual, to be respected in their own right. Remember, they won’t appreciate comparisons!
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