Dilemma: passionate part-time lover

Katharine Whitehorn / 26 January 2016

A passionate romance with a younger man doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so a reader writes to agony aunt Katharine Whitehorn for advice.

Dilemma: part-time lover

I don’t drive and I live on an isolated smallholding. When my husband died – and after a year of loneliness – I started internet dating. 

I emphasised that I wasn’t after sex or marriage; I was 68 then. 

Of the three men I’ve seen, one is a builder who said he was 60, and there was instant sexual attraction and it was soon mad, passionate sex every time he visited. 

However, the visits became less frequent and he says that sometimes when he plans to see me he turns back because he feels guilty for using me. 

I don’t know his address; he is divorced and lives with his 86-year-old father. He says he is a loner and insecure and fancies me like mad; he doesn’t want to meet any of my friends or introduce me to his family.

Katharine Whitehorn's advice

I just don’t know where our relationship is going. It’s probably not “going” anywhere – but does it need to be? 

If he – and all this sex – was all that you had by way of companionship, I would say there might be a case for looking for someone else or broadening your friendships; but you have these other friends, plus this secret love – pretty good going, no? 

It's not what the vicar would approve of; but maybe you should accept it rather than try hopelessly to turn it into love's young dream.

Read our guide to sex over 60 – what no one will tell you.

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