Breathe more deeply
Taking deep breaths not only relaxes you, it also helps get oxygenated blood flowing around your body. You’re far more likely to orgasm as a result. Tense muscles and feeling stressed aren’t conducive to orgasm, and you need lots of oxygenated blood to reach your vulva if you’re to get fully aroused too.
Find out how sex can reduce stress and other health benefits.
Enjoy a good book
Sharing your sexiest dreams is a great way to get more of what you want in bed and try new things too. But if you can’t think of ideas on your own, you can read parts of an erotic book to each other. “It can be difficult to express fantasies but by reading it from a book it becomes less embarrassing and can lead to dramatically new ideas of what to do,” says sex therapist Dr Ian Kerner, of goodinbed.com. Try Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus or for something more modern, you can try Ageless Erotica by Joan Price.
Focus on a new sense
If you always have sex with the light on, turn it off. If you always gaze into each others’ eyes, try wearing a blindfold of some kind. “By changing the way you usually have sex, you’ll become aware of other senses – sight, sound, touch, taste – that can also create intense feelings of arousal,” says Kerner.
“You can try using massage oils to amplify the feeling of touching each other, or even something more adventurous like chocolate-flavoured body paint, for example!”
One of the best ways to get into a sexy mindset is a bit of competitive sport – a game of singles tennis or squash with your partner would be ideal, but it doesn’t need to be as physical as that. “Challenge your partner to a chess game or cards, whatever you both enjoy, but up the stakes,” says Kerner. “So for example whoever wins gets to enjoy their favourite sex act immediately afterwards.”
Slow things down
If you’ve been with your partner for a while you may have discovered a pattern of moves that works really well… but the downside of that is that you avoid doing other moves that may not bring him or her to orgasm so quickly and that leads to a lacklustre sex life.
“You may know that oral sex is the most effective way to get you to orgasm,” says Kerner, “but don’t let that stop you trying stimulating yourself with other body parts and sex toys. While they may not get you to orgasm so quickly, you might find they bring you a different type of orgasm if you give yourself the time to explore.” And who doesn’t want a range of orgasms to choose from each night?!
Find out about sex over 60.