Dilemma: I'm worried my friend is being used

Katharine Whitehorn / 21 June 2016

A reader writes in with concerns that her friend is being taken advantage of by a much younger man.

Dilemma: is a younger man using my friend?

I have a divorced friend who has started dating a man who is much younger than she is, and I really wonder about him. 

She has a good job and knows a lot of wealthy ‘posh’ people; he seems to run one or two odd enterprises and I think he is just using her to get an entrée into her world. 

I am worried about it for her sake as she might end up being hurt by him if he leaves her once he has what he wants. I wonder if I should say anything.

Katharine Whitehorn's advice

What exactly could you say? ‘He can’t possibly be attracted to you – he must have an ulterior motive’? That would cheer her up no end! 

You could be curious about him in a non-hurtful way: ‘He sounds interesting, what is it he runs exactly?’ 

Your suspicions could be right; It might well be that he is shady, but your friend may know what he is and still find him worth having fun with. 

We often worry about our friends, but we can’t live their lives for them; I think only if you come across something definitely discreditable should you say anything.

Visit Katharine Whitehorn's page for more dilemmas.

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