Dr Miriam Stoppard advises a Saga Magazine reader on whether or not they should make a move on the person they fancy.
Since my husband died, I’ve been keen to get out of the house and start living again, as I was his carer for many years.
I’ve started going to a yoga class and I’ve realised I’ve developed a serious crush on my female yoga teacher. I know you'll think it’s just because she pays me attention and is kind, however it's way more than that.
I'm physically overwhelmed during class and find myself thinking about her long after it’s finished. I realise it’s not appropriate to share my feelings, but I don’t know what to do with them.
Oh, how wonderful! I'm so happy for you. I'm very glad you have love in your life again, and I think you should follow it.
You know, love is so rare in life, I believe that if ever you get a whiff of it, you should follow the scent. I absolutely don't think you’ve developed your crush simply because she pays you attention and is kind to you. You could look deep inside your heart to find where your “crush” springs from. Could you be discovering a new kind of love – love between women?
I also believe that where two people are involved with one another, the person who’s the recipient of love can't be immune to it. In your situation, I would believe that “You can't be indifferent to me when I'm so fond of you.” In a way, I'm saying that there's always a loving response in a person who's loved. Very rarely do they spurn it.
With this in mind, I think you should take the bull by the horns and speak to your yoga teacher at the first opportunity. I know this sounds as though it will be difficult, but it really won’t if you approach it by saying at the end of the class, “Do you fancy a coffee?” You open up the possibility of sitting down together somewhere and having your first conversation.
I urge you to think about doing this. Why? Well, I don’t agree with you that it’s inappropriate to share your feelings with your yoga teacher. I think it’s highly appropriate.
Many times in our lives, we are carrying around a rucksack of feelings and can’t find a place to put it down. It can be guilt, sadness, attraction or love. I honestly don’t believe it’s right for you to carry around your feelings without expressing them and allowing them to have a life of their own.
What’s the worst that can happen? She’s embarrassed and doesn’t respond to you, she’s stand-offish and there seems to be little chance of developing a friendship. But there’s also the possibility your initial chat could grow into something much richer and long-term, so why would you deprive yourself of something that could be so precious?
There’s no need to spill the beans at your first meeting, but gradually you can make your feelings known as your friendship develops and you feel more comfortable.
If you have a problem for Dr Miriam, please email askdrmiriam@saga.co.uk. All emails are treated in confidence.
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