Shirley Ballas on Strictly and living with her mother
The Strictly Come Dancing head judge on why sharing a home with her 88-year-old mother is easier than living with a boyfriend.
The Strictly Come Dancing head judge on why sharing a home with her 88-year-old mother is easier than living with a boyfriend.
In the eight years she’s been on the judging panel of Strictly Come Dancing, Shirley Ballas has had to endure all sorts of flak.
It took a long time for the 65-year-old dance champion to find a way to manage what sometimes felt like incessant criticism. There is, however, one critic she cannot – and would not want to – escape: her 88-year-old mother Audrey, with whom Shirley shares her south London home.
“I walk in through the door after a show and there she is in this little old pink dressing gown which has got to be as old as she is, and I can see from her face she’s disagreed with my marks,” she laughs. “Even though I’m 65 I can still feel like a young girl again.”
She wouldn’t have it any other way, of course. As becomes abundantly clear during the course of our chat, Audrey is both Shirley’s best friend and her role model, an indefatigable presence who, despite having battled cancer and a list of health challenges, “just keeps going, dining, cooking, cleaning”.
“She never complains,” says Shirley. “She’s of the school that you just get on with it.
”It was Audrey who raised Shirley on a Merseyside housing estate. And while Shirley travelled with her dance career, it was Audrey who helped raise Shirley’s son Mark, from her second marriage to American ballroom dancer Corky Ballas (her first marriage, to dancer Sammy Stopford, ended when she was just 22). They’ve shared a home countless times over the years, but three years ago, Shirley moved Audrey in with her for good.
“It’s easier than living with a boyfriend,” she smiles, not entirely joking.
“I could never, ever put her in a home. She was there for me from the beginning, and I shall be with her till the end – although she thinks she’ll outlive me.”
It means that, even if it involves a six-hour car drive, Shirley will make sure she goes home on her day off every week from this year’s Strictly Come Dancing tour, which kicks off at the end of January and foxtrots its way to arenas around the country.
“It’s not a chore," she says of the weekly return home. "I’m genuinely excited to see her and hear what she has to say about things.”
Shirley’s excited about the tour too, describing the atmosphere as ‘iconic’, although she’s lamenting the absence of fellow judge Motsi Mabuse, with whom she shared a changing room last year.
“We had the best time ever,” says Shirley. “But unfortunately, she can’t be there this year because of family commitments, so it’ll be me taking care of the boys.”
The ‘boys’, of course, being fellow judges Anton Du Beke and Craig Revel Horwood, of whom Shirley is also genuinely fond. “We do have a lovely time,” she says.
Lovely and hopefully uneventful, following a tumultuous 2025 Strictly season featuring injuries galore and the surprise news of hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman’s departure, which caught not just the public but Shirley and her fellow judges off-guard.
“Everyone was surprised,” she admits, confiding she will dearly miss them both. “I share the changing room next to them, and they are full of giggles and laughter. They also showed me the way from when I joined until now, so it will be a sad day when they go.”
The latest season was Shirley’s ninth as head judge, although she nearly didn’t last beyond that first season in 2017.
"I didn’t know if I wanted the job back because of the intrusion, people selling stories, the constant criticism," she says. "I defy anyone not to let it get to them."
By 2023, the endless trolling had become so bad that she employed a young man called Harry to manage her social media.
"And thank God I did because it’s ten times worse than it ever was," she says.
"Everybody’s got an opinion, in part because I think we’re more open and accessible than we ever were. You can get backstage now, you can see wardrobe and as a result people feel ownership. That said, I have got better at not sweating the small stuff."
One change has also brought her palpable relief – the casting vote in the dance-off, which was traditionally Shirley’s alone, is now rotated among the judges.
"They called me about the idea and I loved it," she says. "It’s onerous; quite often there’s just a hair’s breadth in it, so it makes sense to share it. And when I spoke to Craig, he said, 'Darling, I’ve been waiting 21 years to send somebody home.' It made his day."
Back in 2018, it was Shirley’s son, Mark, now 39 and a professional dancer himself, who persuaded her to stick with Strictly.
"He said, 'Imagine the platform you’ll have. This gives you a reach for causes that you’re passionate about.' And he was right. I’m truly grateful for it."
One of those causes is male suicide awareness for which Shirley is a prominent advocate, driven by the tragic loss of her brother David to suicide aged 44 on 5 December 2003.
"When it comes up to that time of year it’s always difficult," she says softly. "But it’s a comfort to think we might have made a difference. And my mum’s much more open about it now, because we’re helping people. Though she still thinks that you should remain private and she thinks I’m an open book."
Quite literally – Shirley has already published her autobiography and earlier this year released Best Foot Forward, billed as a "tool kit for living your best life" and filled with more stories about Shirley’s life on and off the dance floor. It’s unfailingly honest.
"One of the best pieces of advice I was given when I started on Strictlywas to own your own narrative otherwise people will create one for you," she says.
"So that’s always in my mind. So when I had my operation on my boobs I was honest about it. If I have a facelift next year I won’t try and hide it."
Not that she’s planning the latter, she hastens to add. "Like my mum says, the clock’s ticking and it’s not going backwards. Live each day. Yesterday’s gone and tomorrow’s promised to nobody," she says. "You have to seize the day."
And Shirley certainly does that: in recent years, she has climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, wing-walked and taken part in Celebrity Bear Hunt, which saw her deposited in the Costa Rican jungle last year with 15 other celebrities.
"I’m very adaptable," she says, confiding that she would "definitely think" about taking part in I’m a Celebrity… should the call come.
"When Strictly no longer requires my services, then definitely. Nothing’s going to kill you," she says. "You just have to cut your mind off from your taste buds."
Easier for Shirley than some, perhaps, given she survives on one meal a day.
"I do watch what I eat," she says. "I try to avoid processed foods and one meal a day works for me."
She confides that a friend recently offered her the weight-loss drug Ozempic.
"I was that close" she says, holding her fingers a fraction apart. "But my mother said there’s not enough research: yes, it’s a quick fix, but then it can go the other way. So I will stick with my own ways to stay in shape."
These include skin tightening-treatments and Hotpod yoga. And she does look fabulous – although not quite fabulous enough for the celebrity dating app Raya, apparently, which she tried to join earlier this year, following the end in November 2024 of her six-year relationship with actor Danny Taylor, 52.
"I couldn’t get on it," she hoots. "They accepted Harry and didn’t accept me. Maybe they thought I was an imposter. But it’s fine. I need a break to be honest."
I say that she had seemed blissfully happy with Danny, to whom she was also engaged.
"Things are not always what they seem, let’s just put it that way," she responds.
Now, following that broken engagement, she is vehement that she will not get married again.
"I like that I can take off and see my son and I don’t have to explain myself," she says. "I can’t see that changing."
And never more than since Shirley became a grandmother following the birth two years ago of Mark’s son, Banksi.
"He’s the love of my life," she says. "I only wish I lived next door, although I do get out to LA three times a year and we speak all the time."
As a veteran of two divorces, she confides that her son’s happy marriage to singer-songwriter Brittany Jean Carlson, known as BC Jean – does sometimes make her wistful.
"I look at that relationship and I sometimes have a pang in my heart that I didn’t have that, because they spend almost 24/7 together, their respect for each other is just great," she says.
She’s clearly desperately proud of Mark, staying up till the small hours the night before we meet to watch him on Dancing with the Stars, and says she would love nothing more than to perform a mother-and-son dance on Strictly.
"They’ve tried to schedule it, but it never quite works. I don’t give up hope," she laughs.
If anyone can make it happen, though, it’s Shirley, the ‘Queen of Latin’ who has navigated two failed marriages, lost a brother, raised a dance champion son and remained defiantly down to earth.
"I shall never look at myself like a star – I will always be a worker and a grafter," she says.
"Besides, if I had any airs and graces, my mother would have my guts for garters."
Strictly Come Dancing Live tours the UK from 23 January to 15 February.
Shirley's autobiography Best Foot Forward is her "tool kit for living your best life" and filled with more stories about Shirley’s life on and off the dance floor.
Hero image credit: Elisabeth Hoff
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