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Sleep and I have always had a fractious relationship. As a young child, I vividly remember struggling to fall asleep, lying awake until the early hours of the morning, tossing and turning. As an adult, my sleep has been a battlefield, facing everything from hormonal shifts to the tiny, demanding form of a child.
I’m also one of those people who, while they may go to sleep easily, don’t stay asleep and as I’ve got older, the 3am wake ups seem to be even more frequent.
My years of sleep disruption though have weirdly served me well as during this time I’ve tried everything to improve my sleep. Now as I near my 52nd birthday, I can truly say that I’ve got this sleep thing sorted. That’s not to say I always get the holy ‘eight hours’ of sleep or have disruption-free sleep, but I have now got to a state that allows me to function and feel at my best 90% of the time.
If you are one of the 37% of people in the UK who suffer with insomnia or sleep issues, these tips may help.
This may seem obvious, but as a working mum of a teenager, my bedtime was quite routine. That is, as soon as I had managed to get my son to bed, I would turn in alongside my husband. However, while he was always happy to go to sleep around 10 pm, it didn't always work for me. In fact, sometimes, I found myself lying awake for a good two hours, willing myself to sleep.
“Lying awake in bed can worsen insomnia,” says Dr Zoe Schaedel, a sleep expert for menopause platform Issviva. “If you’re not tired, engage in a quiet, relaxing activity until drowsiness sets in.”
This is exactly the approach I've adopted. Now, I sometimes let my husband go to bed on his own, using the extra time to watch TV or do some easy chores. On other occasions, I'll go to bed with him but spend some time reading. This, I feel, makes it much easier for me to wind down and fall asleep.
“Spending too long in bed can fragment sleep,” says Dr Schaedel. “If you struggle to fall asleep or wake frequently, try shifting your bedtime slightly later or waking up a bit earlier.”
Understanding your personal sleep needs is key to working out the ideal bedtime. Much like our diverse tastes in music and food, sleep is a uniquely individual experience. Whether you're an early bird or a night owl often depends on your chronotype, your natural preference for sleep and wake times. This is tied to specific genes and can even change over time, explaining the teenage tendency to stay up and wake up later.
I monitored my sleep (and still do) with my Fitbit smartwatch. Each month, it tells me my animal sleep profile. Most months, I am a giraffe, which means I have shorter, yet deeper sleep periods, and early wake up times. This means that I can go to sleep later and still feel as fresh as someone who needs a longer sleep.
Knowing this has helped me feel less stressed about having to be in bed at a set time, and when you’re less stressed, it’s easier to drift off.
Therapist Rachel Meo Klint says many of her clients come to her with a fear that they’re not getting enough sleep. She believes that removing the pressure to get a prescribed amount of sleep actually improves sleep quality.
“For me and some clients I have worked with the freedom to not worry about falling asleep at a specific time means that it begins to occur naturally when the body and mind are tired,” she says.
If you don’t have a smartwatch, you can still figure out your ideal sleep duration by paying close attention to your body's natural cues.
Try going to bed at a consistent time each night when you feel genuinely tired and then allow yourself to wake up naturally without an alarm for a few days. Once you consistently wake up feeling refreshed and alert throughout the day, the amount of sleep you were getting is likely your sweet spot.
You can also keep a notebook by your bed, so you can note these times and work out the perfect sleep schedule for you.
It was a happy accident that I discovered the power of magnesium. After receiving a gift set with magnesium body lotion, I applied it one night to soothe tired feet and legs. The good night's sleep that followed inspired me to look into it. I found out that magnesium is often a vital mineral our bodies require, especially when stressed.
“Magnesium is a very important mineral to help muscles relax and can ease restless legs and cramps and overall greatly help ease tension and stress and improve sleep,” says Dr Naomi Newman-Beinhart, a nutritionist (BSc) and specialist in health psychology (PhD).
Magnesium is also said to help with the production of melatonin, the hormone that controls your sleep-wake cycle. Some studies have shown it to be particularly good for older sleepers, increasing total sleep time and better sleep efficiency (the ratio of time spent asleep to total time in bed).
Dr Newman-Beinart, who also uses magnesium on her skin before bed, also credits her nightly pre-sleep step with helping her sleep better: “Just massaging the lotion into my feet feels so soothing and immediately relaxes me,” she says.
If magnesium or herbal teas aren’t helping you get to sleep, you could consider taking melatonin. While here in the UK it is a prescription-only medicine, it’s can be a better choice than sleeping tablets, as it has fewer and milder side effects.
“Medications like Melatonin can be used to regulate circadian rhythms and are non-addictive,” says Meo Klint. “It helps the body to get back into a routine of sleep, particularly when you also manage light exposure by reducing it at night and increasing it upon waking.”
I have never been good at sleeping in silence. I grew up near the seaside so had waves and seagulls to lull me to sleep. Then when I moved to London, I lived in built-up areas, right under the flight path. The irony is these things have always helped me sleep better. When I was fighting a particularly bad case of insomnia, I decided to download the Calm app – and it’s been the best money I’ve spent on my sleep.
On nights when I’m struggling to sleep or when I’ve woken up at 3am, I plug into the app and either listen to soothing soundscapes of rain or, my favourite, a sleep story. It helps take my mind off the fact I can’t sleep. I focus on the noise and before I know it, I’m asleep.
“Background noise I would say, is the key element in drifting off for many,” says Meo Klint. “It masks other noises and reduces auditory sensitivity, but I personally believe it is the routine of listening to familiar and consistent background noise that adds to the calming ritualistic sleep routine a lot of people need to have, as a trigger to switch off.”
“Regular physical activity, such as walking, swimming or yoga promotes better sleep,” says Dr Schaedel. I’ll take that one step further and say if you can get that exercise out in the fresh air, you’ll improve your sleep no end.
I’m lucky that I get out of the house most days to walk my dog, but on the days when deadlines are looming and my husband takes over, I never sleep as well. An hour’s walk outside, whatever the weather, always improves my sleep. I find it easier to drop off and I don’t wake as much.
And you don’t just have to take my word for it. One UK study showed that for each additional hour spent outdoors during daylight, it reduced insomnia symptoms, made it easier for participants to wake up and lowered levels of tiredness.
A solution intended for my son's sensory needs has become one of my most effective sleep hacks. He's autistic and finds the deep, consistent pressure of his weighted blanket helps him sleep – it's like a comforting hug, very grounding for his sensory processing differences.
One cold evening, I tried it myself on the sofa and was amazed by the sense of calm and relaxation I felt. This led to my own purchase, and it has really enhanced my sleep. The only snag is the weight, making them less than ideal for travel – I definitely feel the absence of that comforting pressure when I'm away from mine.
While definitely not conclusive, some studies have shown that weighted blankets do help improve sleep, and some research has even shown that it actually helps increase the production of melatonin. It’s definitely a personal preference though. My husband tried it and hated it, so perhaps borrow one before investing, as they’re not cheap.
While this technically shouldn’t improve sleep, somehow, accepting my situation – that I won’t sleep for eight hours a night and my sleep may well be disrupted – has actually made me sleep better! And I’m not alone in this thinking. Meo Klint, who herself has experience sleep issues, said when she removed the pressure, she slept better.
“It was only when I stopped worrying about them and turned the ‘issue’ around in my head, I realised that I did not need the nine hours I had clung on to for years every night,” she says. “Rather I could actually manage quite happily on six most days –and I began to see sleep as something my body would take when it needed it.”
For me, I now accept that some days I will feel tired (and might even take a little nap), but that on the whole, this shift in mindset has resulted in better and more consistent sleep than when I was constantly striving for perfection.
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