We lived happily ever after
To celebrate Valentine’s Day, Saga Magazine readers share memories of 50 years (and more) of married life.
To celebrate Valentine’s Day, Saga Magazine readers share memories of 50 years (and more) of married life.
With 42% of all UK marriages now ending in divorce, it’s becoming increasingly rare to find a couple who have been married for more than 50 years. So, we were pleasantly surprised to be inundated with responses when we asked readers to contact us if they’d celebrated their golden wedding anniversary.
More than 150 of you got in touch, with some of you having celebrated not just 50 years of wedded bliss but also your diamond and platinum anniversaries.
Here, some of the couples who contacted us share their secrets for a long-lasting and fulfilling union.
After meeting at a party when Doris was 17 and Roy was 20, they went on a bike ride together. But Doris accidentally crashed into Roy, and she fretted that she’d spoiled his opinion of her, until he turned up the following week with a secondhand tandem bike.
This became their primary method of transport – they even pedalled to the hospital when Doris was in labour. They still have the bike today, hanging on a wall in their shed.
“A lot of it is luck. You need to find the right person who you like and, hopefully, you keep on liking them.
“Where do people go wrong? Expecting too much.”
“Don’t be unrealistically ambitious. We’ve been Mr and Mrs Average from the start, with the two children, the three-bedroom house and a couple of holidays a year. We’ve never done anything too spectacular, but it’s enough.
“Before Roy, I went out with some quite exciting lads, but I picked him for his reliability.”
When Norma, 18, was working in Marks & Spencer, 21-year-old John kept coming in to see her. He couldn’t speak much English, having just moved to the UK from Italy to work at the Kettering furnaces.
After three months, they were formally introduced, and they've been inseparable ever since, despite Norma’s father worrying she would be whisked off to Italy, and John’s mother wanting him to marry an Italian.
For their 70th anniversary, John bought Norma a new engagement ring to replace the old one that was now too loose.
“The secret is always working together, sharing our worries and respecting each other.
“It’s easy to love Norma – she has a kind, caring nature.”
“John has always been so loving, even when I’m niggly. Despite differences in language, religion and nationality, we gelled immediately and didn’t want to be without each other.
“We’ve never had to work at our marriage. We glided along, and I would’ve never looked at anyone else.”
Charles and Barbara went on a blind date in Torquay aged 23 and 20. Barbara was on holiday with her best friend, whose fiancé was staying with his friend Charles in North Devon; he came down for the day and brought Charles with him. They remember sitting on a clifftop on a breezy day, Charles’s arm around Barbara.
They were married four years later. They have two children and two grandchildren.
“There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. You’ll have arguments, but for us there was never any suggestion of splitting up.
“I had ten friends from school – I’m the last one standing – and none of them had divorces.”
“Charlie has always been my rock. There’s no secret, just good luck that we’ve reached our advanced ages together and can look back on our memories having shared good and bad, happy and sad times.
“The answer is togetherness in everything, and love always, even though it hides sometimes.”
Henry and Molly grew up together in Dartford, Kent, and began dating when they were 18. Before that, they were both going out with other people, but they swapped partners – Molly’s ex was best man when she married Henry.
They have two daughters and three grandchildren.
“Our love has only grown as the years have gone by, especially since we’ve retired. Together, we run the church in our retirement village, sing in a choir and play bowls.
“We’re Christians and we’re very aware that we’ve always got an unseen guest in our home.”
“Don’t bottle things up – share your worries. We’ve never had a row. People say that’s boring but we’re always prepared to respect the other person’s point of view.
“The family that prays together stays together.”
Norman and Jill met at the Locarno Dance Hall, aged 23 and 19, during the twist dance craze. They arranged to go to the pictures later in the week. They were married three years later.
“Be tolerant. Everybody has tiffs, but you don’t bear a grudge, you get on with it. A lot of people just give up after a sticky patch.”
“The secret is to take the rough with the smooth. Though when a man learns to do what he’s told, it’s a really big help. He props me up when I get wobbly, he’s good at taking lids off jars, and he chugs around after me on holiday when he’d rather be at home.
“Don’t spend all your money. When we were first married, we were really hard up but we still used to save a pound or two every week.”
Living in Bombay, Freny, 24, had applied to do a PhD in America, but her parents wouldn't let her travel while unmarried. They suggested she meet Keki, 30, an engineer living in England, who had returned to India to find a wife.
After seeing more than 20 girls, Keki was about to give up, but he and Freny clicked – they were married after a week and settled in Devon. Freny postponed her education while she raised their two daughters.
“My principle is give and take, and you mustn’t keep any personal secrets.”
“This commitment was built through years of shared experiences, both good and challenging. During the difficult times, we chose to forgive each other and move on. This hasn’t always been easy! Going for a walk in the fresh air helps me clear my head and calm down.
“The benefits of a long marriage are increased happiness, security for the family, setting a good example and deeper companionship in older age.”
Ray and Valerie met at their local church in Romford, Essex, and have been together since they were nearly 15. In those days, Ray would spend his paper-round earnings on records for Valerie. They were 23 when they married, and they now have two children.
“We never argue, we debate. Our love for each other has been the cement that has held us together all this time. That might sound twee, but it’s true. I can’t put it down to anything else.”
“I think you should go into marriage determined that it’s for life – it’s a connection that evolves over the years. Ray adores me – his philosophy has always been that we were made to be together.
“At bedtime, it’s always: ‘Night night, God bless, I love you’.”
Derek and Irene met when they were 18 and 17 respectively, working for what would become BT – Derek as a trainee engineer and Irene as a clerical assistant.
Derek asked Irene to accompany him to a wedding – they went to the pub for one drink the day before, which lasted all night.
When they married, aged 22 and 21, Irene made her own wedding dress.
“We never had children, so our lives have revolved around travel – now we’re retired, we manage six or seven trips a year.
“We’ve pitched a tent at the top of a waterfall in Iceland, climbed Mount Kenya, and travelled the whole circumference of the USA in four weeks by Greyhound bus.”
“Our secret is being the best of friends. We do everything together, and every decision is made jointly.
“Derek always takes an interest, even in what I wear – he's very good at choosing clothes.”
When Lesley, 25, wanted to join the Junior Chamber of Commerce, she went along to meet its members. There, she encountered Derek, 29, who was saying that women shouldn't be allowed in. Despite this, Lesley was admitted, and Derek proposed six weeks later.
They were the first Chamber members to marry each other. They have one daughter.
“My secret is two words: ‘Yes, dear’. There’s never a dull moment with Lesley – like the time she popped out to buy a loaf of bread, then came home one-and-a-half hours later having bought a car instead.”
“It’s important to have a sense of humour. We’ve never had a row because one side always finds it funny, and you can’t argue with someone who's laughing, can you?”
Many of the readers who wrote in enjoyed celebrating their special anniversaries on board one of our Saga cruise ships.
Two of the happy couples shared their experiences.
Peter and Pat Holwell
The couple aged 89 and 88, celebrated their 66th anniversary in July aboard the Spirit of Adventure on a Scandinavian cruise.
“At the end of our dinner, we were surprised with Champagne, a chocolate cake, balloons, and photographers,” says Pat, who lives with her husband near Canterbury.
“Then, when we got back to our cabin, we found it had been decorated with heart confetti, chocolates and rose petals. When I told my daughter, she said, ‘Oh, they were expecting a night of passion,’ and I said, ‘I think you’re forgetting how old we are!’”
Peter and Pat met outside the London School of Economics, where Peter, 20, was a student, and Pat, 19, was waiting for a friend. Peter struck up a conversation and, when Pat’s friend didn’t materialise, he drove her home on his motorbike.
They married in 1959. Their secret? Being a good listener, never bearing a grudge, and resolving any slight tiffs within half an hour.
Kenneth and Anne Donaldson
The couple celebrated their 53th wedding anniversary with a river cruise on the Douro. The couple, aged 85 and 80, from Lincolnshire, have enjoyed ten years of cruising with Saga. “We love it because you’re pampered, you’re not having to think, ‘Oh gosh, what should we have for dinner?’ and you’re spending luxury time together,” says Anne.
“I hadn’t said in my booking that we would be celebrating, because I feel it’s a private time for us,” she explains. Instead, they spent a day in Salamanca, which felt suitably special.
The pair met on an 18-30 holiday in Morocco, aged 30 and 25. Anne was working as a nurse in Canada, but they kept up a long-distance relationship for six months, via occasionally ill-timed calls (Kenneth’s dad didn’t like the phone ringing at 2am), before marrying in Taunton in 1972.
Their secret? No arguments and discussing all major changes to their lives.
[Hero image credit: Getty]
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