Sandi Toksvig on leaving Bake Off: "I thought it was boring"

What were you like as a child?

I was a curiously strange, nerdy child. I taught myself to read by three and was reading newspapers from about six. I wasn’t a big fan of school, but my father drilled into me that knowledge is a marvellous thing for its own sake. I try to instil that in my grandchildren.

Do you enjoy being a grandmother?

It’s funny, because you love your children so much – I have three, Jessica 36, Megan, 34, and Theo, 30 – that you think you can’t feel this strongly any more.

And then their babies come along, and you realise you love them all like a crazy person as well. I’ve got three grandchildren and one on the way and I’m preparing myself for this extra burst of love that’s about to arrive.

If you could give your grandchildren a single piece of advice, what would it be?

Embrace curiosity; be interested in people. It’s why when on stage I tell the audience to say ‘hi’ to the person sitting next to them – it might be somebody who’s going to teach you something.

You’re on stage this month with the QI-inspired comedy One Night Only. Is being on stage your happy place?

Yes, I love the stage; I’ve loved it since I was four and got the part of the star in the Nativity. It had no lines, but I felt it was pivotal. There’s something magical about theatre.

Did you know that when an audience sits together the heartbeats start to synchronise?

What advice did your parents give to you?

My father was a journalist and broadcaster, and he instilled in me the importance of asking questions – then really listening to the answer.

He also said never trust a man in a ready-made bow tie, and that one martini is not enough, two is plenty and three is too many. He was right!

What would you tell your 18-year-old self?

I’d encourage myself to be more comfortable with who I am. It was very difficult being gay at that age in a world in which that was not always a welcome thought. I’ve never really hidden who I am – I’ve always tried to be myself – but there were no publicly ‘out’ women in entertainment at the time and I was warned that coming out would destroy my career.

When my kids came along though I was not prepared for them to grow up in the shadow of a secret, and I was ready to give up my career if that’s what it took for them to have the family life they deserved. It was unbelievably difficult.

Once I’d come out in 1994 we had to take them into hiding and there were articles about how I was going to tear apart the fabric of society and my children were going to grow up into monstrous human beings.

It was horrific, and in the end my relationship with their mother, Peta, didn’t survive the strain of it.

You’ve been married to Debbie since 2014 and were in a civil partnership with her for seven years before that. What’s the secret?

Conversation. One of the things I did with my kids – and my wife and I continue to do it, wherever possible – is to sit down and have dinner together at the table in a very Danish way. I light the candles and make every meal an event. There are no phones, no distractions, we just sit and keep those conversations open and really listen to each other.

Do you like being in your 60s?

I do, actually. I genuinely sweat the small stuff much less than I used to. In relationships, I’m better at saying, "I didn’t like what you said, so should we just sit down and talk about it?" instead of getting the hump and being upset and staying upset.

The Great British Bake Off - "I thought it was boring"

What are the other advantages of getting older?

I think you get better at knowing when to walk away. I know some people were surprised when I quit as presenter of The Great British Bake Off in 2020, but I make no bones about the fact I did not enjoy it;

I thought it was boring. I genuinely stood there and watched meringue dry.

It was the biggest pay cheque of my life and my wife said, "but you’re unhappy" and she’d rather live in a tent than have me go to work and not be happy.

Any big life lessons?

I’m of an age now where I have a wide circle of friends, some of whom I’ve had for decades. They are as much family to me as my biological family; I call them my logical family. I could call them any time of day, and I know they would be there to help me.

It’s something explored in my new book, Friends of Dorothy. I wanted to celebrate the fact 95% of people live in situations that aren’t the ‘Oxo’ family of two parents, two kids.

Recently it was Peta’s birthday and we had a lovely, big lunch in the garden with all of the children, grandchildren and Debbie, and there was a lot of laughter. Peta and I are family to each other – we just didn’t live very well together, and certainly she did not like the public side of my life as it’s incredibly intrusive.

You recently officiated at Abba singer Björn Ulvaeus’s wedding. Are you old friends and is this your first time as a celebrant?

We’ve been friends for many years and I was very happy to do it. It was my first time as a celebrant and it will be my last.

What makes you angry?

I am daily enraged about the women of Afghanistan. I’m promoting an organisation called Rukhshana Media, which tells their stories to the rest of the world, with those doing so risking their lives in the process.

Any unfulfilled ambitions?

I’d love to master a forward roll. I try it, but I just seem to stand on my head without the forward bit. Obviously, I’d like to change the world too.

What would you change about your life?

I’d like some more time with my wife! Pathetic really, we’ve been married for years, but there is no such thing as too much time with her.