"I worry people are suspicious of me because I'm a single woman"

After an unhappy breakup and a move to a new area, a reader fears she's being left out. Dr Miriam Stoppard on why she shouldn't let those worries hold her back.

Dr Miriam Stoppard amongst plants during her Saga photoshoot

Alun Callender

By Dr Miriam Stoppard | Published - 14 Jul 2026

I'm 68 and have recently moved to a new place after an unhappy breakup. I grew up in the area but now don’t really know many people.

My aim is to be outgoing and make friends, but I get the sense that people are wary of a single woman, even one that’s well past the bloom of youth. I honestly have no intention of moving in on anyone’s husband, in fact I have no desire to start a new relationship at all, but I would like to make acquaintances of all sexes, and couples as well as singletons.

I can’t get by just on WI meetings – I’d like to go to the pub and out to dinner occasionally, but these seem very much like “couples” activities.

Do you think I’m being paranoid or could I be right that people are very suspicious of a lone female, even at my age? And if so what can I do about it?

Dr Miriam Stoppard’s advice for a woman seeking a social life

In earlier times, I think there was a general suspicion of a woman being on her own, particularly if she was attractive, confident and outgoing, but less so now.

I remember once when my flight into Heathrow was a diverted to Manchester and I had to take a bus to London which tipped me out at Marble Arch, too late for me to travel home. I sought a “safe” hotel but was refused entrance to the Dorchester Hotel in Park Lane because I was a single woman. I was very much affronted and let the management know about it.

That was the prevailing point of view then, but it isn’t the same now as many independent women go out alone and travel on their own. They create their own space into which others have to be invited. When I was out and about I used to give off a vibe which said “Not free, not free”. So what’s the opposite vibe, so to speak? Well, I think if you take a book to read or a newspaper you’ll give off a different kind of vibe that says you’re approachable. You can go out to the pub or for supper now and then with your book/newspaper/magazine.

Or why not take a girlfriend with you? She doesn’t have to be single, but you’ll have moral support from her and safety in numbers. Given that kind of scenario, you could walk into any room, pub or club with complete confidence knowing that you’ll never be seen as fair game.

I think you are being rather paranoid and one way to overcome that is to join a group of people with similar interests to you. That might be walking, it might be singing, it might be a book club. You’ll meet people with whom you’d like to have friendships and friends with whom you’d like to make up twosomes.

Don’t let what other people may think stop you. There are lots of people out there who’d enjoy your company and you theirs.

More advice on how to cope if you find yourself alone in later life.

If you have a problem for Dr Miriam, please email askdrmiriam@saga.co.uk. All emails are treated in confidence.

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"I worry people are suspicious of me because I'm a single woman"

Dr Miriam Stoppard’s advice for a woman seeking a social life

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