My husband has been having an affair - should I try to save my marriage?

Dr Miriam Stoppard advises

I understand your fury at finding out about your husband's two-year affair, and the rage and disappointment you must feel. The future life you expected to spend with him has been rent asunder.

It's a huge shock in anyone's book but I get the feeling you’re hellbent on finding out every last detail of his infidelity. Why? Evidence they’d stayed in hotels together would only rub salt in the wound.

Maybe you feel being eaten up by resentment is a natural reaction to being cheated on, but it’s not a good place for you to be. So much negativity comes at great cost to you.

You're unable to be rational, see your marriage for what it really is, and what it might be.

Look at what you still have. You still have a husband who wants to make amends, save his marriage and says he loves you. You could ease your pain and start to rebuild your confidence if you focused on that.

I appreciate your self-belief has taken a knock but you must find it again. For starters, you've successfully brought up two children together. That must be a strong bond between you and your husband. It’s an achievement you can both be proud of. You mentioned that they've only just flown the coop – could you be feeling the empty nest syndrome? I know I did. I grieved over losing them. It took me a year to cope with the emotions of “childlessness”.

Rather than disappear down a dark hole of recrimination you could count your blessings and move on, otherwise you could end up lonely and bitter. Don't be. Come out of this stronger not weaker. Concentrate on the positives.

Have a heart to heart with your husband and come up with a new arrangement. Your husband will be more than grateful for your peace offering and your children, when they hear about your generosity, will be proud of you.