I’m shy about intimacy on our multigenerational family holiday

Dr Miriam Stoppard on balancing intimacy with privacy during a multigenerational family holiday.

Dr Miriam Stoppard amongst plants during her Saga photoshoot

Image credit: Alun Callender

By Dr Miriam Stoppard | Published - 7 Aug 2025

My husband and I are going on a family holiday with a large party of our grown-up children, their partners and our grandchildren.

Usually holidays are a time for intimacy, however past experiences have shown me that I’m a bit self-conscious about this with all my relatives in the house. My husband, however, is insistent that we shouldn’t let it stop us.

I don’t want to be a spoilsport but I just don’t think I will enjoy sex thinking we may be overheard or interrupted. What do you advise?

Dr Miriam Stoppard on intimacy during multigenerational family holidays

What a lovely prospect! A family gathering and an opportunity to get to know some members better, bonding closely with relatives you’ve always had a yen to spend more time with and learning about the children in your family.

Sometimes it’s pure joy and sometimes it’s a bit of a challenge. Yes, a family holiday in a crowded, unfamiliar place is probably not the easiest spot to grab time and space on your own, with sounds carrying and ears open, ready to pick up suspicious noises.

This isn’t an uncommon scenario. Most people, for instance, feel reticent about having sex in the same house as their parents even if it’s soundproof.

Most of us have deeply ingrained sensitivities about having sex in earshot of strangers, let alone family. So it seems to me the holiday accommodation itself is an important part of your problem.

You're called upon to be more creative than you’ve had to be in the past. But it's unreasonable to expect the freedoms you have on a family holiday to be the same as those you have in your own home.

With a little ingenuity, I'm sure you'll adjust to living in close quarters with your family and be able to find the privacy you wish for.

My suggestion would be to think out of the box. By that I mean you should be inventive, even experimental in your researches. Try new times of day and new places to discover the privacy you’d like.

For instance, if the whole family is going on an outing together then opt not to accompany them. You’ll have the house to yourselves and the opportunity to have sex without interruption or embarrassment.

Another option is for you to leave the house to find your own solitude, going out on your own and leaving the family behind. One great option would be to explore having sex outdoors which can be revelatory and enriching. Worth a try even if you've never done it before, nor even if it hasn’t even entered your head before.

There's the excitement of the two of you looking for a suitable place, perhaps in the woods, on the beach, in the sand dunes, in the sea or in a deserted field. The world’s your oyster.

Grab a new sexual experience with both hands. Take a leaf from this report that shows couples have twice as much sex on holiday as they do at home.

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I’m shy about intimacy on our multigenerational family holiday

Dr Miriam Stoppard on intimacy during multigenerational family holidays

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