Is your pet too attached to you?
The 5 signs your dog or cat is suffering separation anxiety and what to do about it.
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The 5 signs your dog or cat is suffering separation anxiety and what to do about it.
Pets who pad after you from room to room or block the door as you leave might seem blissfully devoted, but experts say they may be overly anxious.
“Your pet should feel safe both with you and without you,” says Zita Wells, owner of Pet Patrol 365, a pet care service. “Healthy attachment is about balance. A pet who is securely attached seeks you out, enjoys your company and feels comforted by you, but they can also relax when you’re not available.”
Dogs form especially close bonds with their owners because they depend on us for almost everything.
“We control a lot of their lives,” says dog behaviourist Jo Sellers. “It’s up to us when they eat, when they can go out and when they can go to the toilet.”
We’ve also bred dogs to work alongside us or keep us company rather than sit at home alone.
Cats, too, form strong bonds. A 2019 study at Oregon State University found that most cats show the same attachment to their owners as dogs. When reunited after a short separation, they relaxed, sought brief reassurance and then wandered off to explore, confident their owner was nearby.
When pets can’t be close to us, some worry they’ve been abandoned. “Separation anxiety is like a phobia,” says Sellers. “It’s the fear of being alone.”
“Most dogs won’t enjoy being on their own,” she adds. “Securely attached dogs cope, but they’re usually only tolerating it. Signs of distress appear on a sliding scale.”
A 2024 Royal Veterinary College and Dogs Trust study found that nearly half of puppies showed separation-related behaviours by six months of age. Other studies suggest one in four dogs experience separation anxiety at some point.
Cats may seem more independent, but they’re also vulnerable. A 2020 study by researchers in Brazil found that one in eight cats showed signs consistent with separation‑related problems. Signs in cats can be subtle, so owners may not realise their cat is distressed.
Some pets shadow you simply out of adoration. It becomes a concern when they grow distressed if they can’t. If you shut a door behind you, they may press against it, pace or whine.
These behaviours are driven by the sympathetic nervous system, which prepares the body for action. “These pets are showing signs of stress,” says clinical animal behaviourist Emily Birch.
Over‑attachment, she says, can be especially noticeable in older pets who follow you even when it tires them out.
Many pets approach us for affection or reassurance. “Stroking a dog releases feel‑good chemicals associated with bonding and relaxation in dogs as well as us,” says Sellers. “If your dog is stressed, it may come to you because your strokes help them regulate their emotions.”
An anxious dog, however, seeks physical contact relentlessly and can’t calm down without you. Their body struggles to switch off the stress response, so they may pace, whine or bark.
Pets are highly attuned to our routines. “They know when you’re about to go out because they’ve noticed you’ve been looking for your purse or you’ve put on your shoes,” says Sellers. “An anxious pet thinks, ‘I know what happens now. You’ll leave me behind and it’s scary.’”
Dogs may pace, yawn or lick their lips – all signs of stress. Lip‑licking is displacement behaviour associated with anxiety or uncertainty.
“Some dogs might try to run in front of you to block the door or leave with you,” says Sellers. “Once they start barking or howling, they’re showing they can’t cope. They’re screaming out for help.”
Cats may also try to slip out the door, follow you relentlessly or cry or yowl.
Not all pets show distress as you go.
“This might be because they’ve shut down,” says Sellers. “They know that barking or yowling doesn’t do anything, so they’ve stopped reacting like that. That doesn’t mean they’re happy about it.”
This freeze response is another branch of the stress system: the body is conserving energy when it feels it can’t change the situation.
Many owners only realise their pet is struggling when they return. Dogs may chew doorframes, rummage through bins or have toileting accidents. Neighbours may report barking.
“These dogs aren’t barking for attention,” says Sellers. “They’re barking for reassurance. They’re saying, ‘I’m struggling. My hormones are off the scale. I need help’.”
Cats may have scratched the furniture or may have gone to the toilet outside the litter tray, often on your bed. This is a way of mixing their scent with yours to self‑soothe.
Some pets also refuse to eat or drink when left alone, says Birch. Their body is in fight-or-flight mode: the digestive system slows, appetite shuts down and the brain stays on high alert, listening for your return.
Stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol dampen hunger and can cause mild nausea. Your pet can’t relax enough to eat until they feel safe.
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Separation anxiety in your dog or cat is treatable, but it takes patience, consistency and a structured approach.
Genetics, early abandonment and lifestyle changes – a family member leaving home, a new job with different hours, even a new piece of furniture – can all unsettle a pet. Illness can also make them less able to cope.
“A lot of people tell me they had no idea their pet was so stressed until they got a camera,” says Birch. A camera helps you spot early signs like yawning or lip‑licking.
Separation training often starts with very short periods when you’re not there – sometimes just a minute. You must return before your pet shows any anxiety, then gradually increase the time, says Sellers.
This helps retrain the animal’s nervous system so being alone no longer triggers a stress response.
Play with your cat or take your dog on a short, sniff‑rich walk before you go out. Sniffing lowers arousal, possibly by engaging the parasympathetic nervous system.
“Simple enrichment activities are good regulators for their emotions,” says Sellers.
“If you have a cat, add climbing spaces, hiding spots and puzzle feeders,” says Wells. These encourage independent play and help regulate stress. When you are home, do give them some attention, though.
“Avoid abruptly withdrawing affection or ignoring your cat for long periods as that can increase stress,” she says.
Dogs can also learn to settle away from you, says Wells. Teaching this in calm moments helps their nervous system practise being relaxed at a distance.
If your pet is showing clear signs of separation anxiety, find a qualified behaviourist. Look for members of the Association of Pet Behaviour Counsellors or the Animal Behaviour and Training Council.
The joy of having a pet lies in the bond we share with them, but sometimes building a secure attachment takes time and work. “Closeness is good,” says Wells. “But confidence is better.”
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