I'm shocked by my son's wedding plans. Should I speak up?
Anne Robinson advises a mother who is struggling to accept that her son's wedding is not hers to organise.
Emanuel Wiemans
Anne Robinson advises a mother who is struggling to accept that her son's wedding is not hers to organise.
My son – the youngest of my children and the only boy – has just become engaged. We like her well enough, but she’s from a different sort of family. They are now making wedding plans and I’m shocked by what has emerged so far.
Although they are getting married in our village, they are not using our church. They are opting for a registrar at the local hotel, followed by a reception there. And this, even though our family are regular church attenders.
Not only that but they want to keep the numbers small so are not allowing children. I’m not sure where parents are meant to find and pay for childminders?
I want to speak up before it’s too late. My daughters aren’t so sure. What do you advise?
Dear Discombobulated Mother, I’d like you to imagine a woman in her late fifties, maybe early sixties, holding the rope at one end of a tug of war. At the other end of the rope is a young woman in her twenties or maybe early thirties. Crucially, in the middle, is a lovely young man. He might even be – as he’s the only boy in the family – his mother’s favourite.
But now he has found the woman of his dreams and is engaged. One of the wonderful things about his fiancée is that she is refreshingly different. She doesn’t want a huge expensive wedding. She doesn’t ‘do’ religion, so they won’t have to fret about church and a vicar. Instead, they plan just a modest thrash in the local hotel. What can possibly go wrong?
Well, suppose his mother doesn’t agree with their plans? Surely she wouldn’t make a fuss and leave him trying to keep the peace between her and the love of his life? Wouldn’t it be disastrous indeed if his mother didn’t realise that his primary job in future will be, first, to keep his wife happy and secondly his mother?
So from now onwards, when his amazing, fantastic, but sensible mother is not wholly in agreement with the couple’s plans, she will be far too wise to make a fuss.
Because if she did, her adored son would find himself in the middle of an emotional tug of war. And he knows that his mother, being as sensible, devoted, and fantastic and wise as she is, would never, never, never do that to him.
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