Recently, I’ve been feeling oddly nostalgic for the days when I would get complimented on my teeth. Relatively white and straight, they were one of the few physical characteristics I felt horribly smug about.
Apparently, I had my grandmother to thank for this.
“You so take after her,” my mother would beam. (Given my grandmother had been through five husbands, this came as a somewhat alarming revelation.)
I took this genetic windfall as an assurance my teeth were the gift that would continue to give. I may not have inherited Dad’s legs or Mum’s skin, but hey, at least I had Grandma’s teeth.
What my mum failed to clarify was that inheriting good teeth comes with terms and conditions. Somewhere in tiny font it states, “Warning! Likely to decline with age”.
And sure enough, once I got past 50, I realised if my teeth were a person, you’d be thinking, “Blimey, they look in need of a holiday”.
As we age, tooth enamel wears away to reveal dentine, which is more yellow hued. Add in decades of staining foods, like coffee and wine, and it’s no wonder teeth appear darker.
The most effective whitening comes via professional dentistry, but at an average cost of £350 for an in-clinic treatment, I needed some more affordable solutions.
The UK has tight restrictions on hydrogen peroxide levels in oral products – dentists can use up to 6% whereas at-home versions only 0.1% – so we’re not talking Love Island contestant results here.
But if you’re looking for a little sparkle, these gems will get you grinning in no time...
Pearl Drops toothpaste is older than me, but like Mick Jagger, this stalwart keeps putting in a rock-solid performance.
Pearl Drops Strong Polished Daily Whitening Toothpaste (Boots, £7) can get teeth up to four shades whiter in just 21 days, and it genuinely got my gnashers glowing.
Formulated with Perlite, a dental agent that banishes surface stains while smoothing and polishing, it also helps strengthen your precious enamel.
Italian brand Marvis has gained cult status for its chic, flavoured toothpastes but who knew it also delivered on the task of whitening? Unusually for a whitening paste, Marvis Whitening Mint Toothpaste (Amazon, £8.69) is beautifully creamy instead of gritty.
Its cocktail of ingredients really does the business on discolouration, leaving teeth noticeably whiter after ten days. I came for the fab flavour; I stayed for the Insta-worthy smile.
If you need to freshen up your smile on the go, The Polished London Teeth Whitening Pen (Polished London £16.99) is the boss. Simply paint on the gel while it does its stuff.
The stain-dissolving formula is peroxide free, so super gentle on teeth, but it really packs a punch on the whitening front. My teeth were a few shades more porcelain after one treatment.
If you fancy bringing in the big guns, it’s time to invest in an at-home LED whitening kit (here’s the science bit – the blue light speeds up stain removal).
Colgate Max White Ultimate LED Whitening Kit (Amazon, £50) is the real deal, helping to remove a mind-blowing 20 years of stains.
Apply the serum, plug the LED gum shield applicator into your phone, and say hello to a Hollywood smile. Pricey but worth it.
If tech isn’t your thing, you can’t beat a good old whitening strip for convenience and speed; Hey Smile Teeth Whitening Strips (Hey Smile Teeth, £19.99) use non-invasive whitening ingredients, making them ideal for sensitive teeth.
These things are effortless to use and fabulously effective – stick the strips across your teeth for 30 minutes, then remove to reveal a smile that looks significantly whiter and brighter.
Happy whitening and keep smiling – it always makes people wonder what you’re up to.
Emily Dean is a writer, radio co-host and and podcaster. She is co-host to Frank Skinner on his two-time Sony Gold Award-winning Absolute Radio show and presents a hugely successful podcast called Walking the Dog, in which she interviews her high-profile friends, from Alan Carr and Ross Noble to Gabby Logan and Gary Lineker.
View author pageEvery issue of Saga Magazine is packed with inspirational real-life stories, exclusive celebrity interviews, brain-teasing puzzles and travel inspiration. Plus, expert advice on everything from health and finance to home improvements, to help you enjoy life to the full.
The ultimate guide to Saga Puzzles, full of technical tips, tricks and hints.
With the start of the new financial year on 6 April, our money expert explains the changes to your pension, benefits and taxes.