Should I forgive a school bully - 50 years later

A reader asks

A school bully has got in touch after 50 years to apologise and ask for my forgiveness. His actions had a lasting impact, and I struggled for years to build my confidence.

Frankly, I don’t forgive him, but don’t want to reopen old wounds. I’m wondering if I should just be kind and relieve him of his guilt.

What do you think?

Anne Robinson’s reply

How astonishingly selfish for a former bully to write and ask for forgiveness 50 years later. His wish clearly is to feel better about himself. Indeed, his actions have all the hallmarks of a New Age idea that ignores the damage that can be caused by thoughtlessly invading innocent people’s lives.

I wonder, for example, how many letters he’s written in the hope of wiping out his guilt. And how many others have become puzzled and upset on receiving his letter.

I agree that replying to him by detailing the extent to which his tormenting has continued to remain with you is only going to cause you further angst. Angst that you do not deserve.

That leaves a few options. You could just ignore his letter. Alternatively, you could simply write back and say you have no wish to forgive him.

Or how about replying by telling him bluntly where he can stick his need for compassion and understanding?