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A wise person once said that truly great things never get done in a hurry.
Take fake tanning: I once had to learn the hard way that a fake tan done in haste is one destined for disaster.
In fairness, I was a desperate woman. Facing a week in Morocco, with limbs so drained of colour I looked like something you see when the sheet gets pulled back in Silent Witness.
The thing about desperate people? We make very poor choices.
Which is how I found myself googling ‘quick spray tans near me’ 24 hours before my flight. Cut to me standing outside a building that bore no resemblance to a beauty salon. Maybe that’s because it wasn’t. It was a flat above a chicken shop accessed via a bell covered in yellowing Sellotape.
A woman in a tracksuit ushered me grimly up four flights of stairs into the ‘salon’. This turned out to be a cupboard off a family living room where an elderly lady sat watching Cash in the Attic.
The tracksuited woman told me to disrobe before gesturing to a pop-up tent and barking "pose like statue!"
A wise person once said that truly great things never get done in a hurry
After meekly obeying, I watched her tan gun splatter my body in blotchy tangerine streaks. When I looked in the mirror afterwards, I saw Donald Trump’s face staring back at me. Reader, I had been officially Oompa Loompa’d.
It was a tanning disaster on such an epic scale I swore off any products containing the words ‘self’ or ‘tan’ for years.
But then I discovered the life-changing miracle of gradual tanners. These faux glow-givers are essentially tinted body moisturisers allowing you to build up your colour daily.
Their hydrating properties make them ideal for older skins and the lighter formula makes it easier to avoid streaks on areas like ankles and elbows.
So, what are we waiting for? Let’s get our no-hassle holiday hue on.
Bondi Sands says it’s the world’s number-one self-tanning brand, and if its Tinted Skin Perfector Gradual Tanning Lotion is anything to go by, I’m not arguing.
This stuff is my absolute go-to for a hint of subtle colour – the consistency makes it super easy to apply, and leaves limbs feeling silky smooth. It also dries to a radiant finish in five minutes flat.
Another winner for faking a flawlessly healthy all-over glow comes courtesy of Isle of Paradise's Self-Tanning Butter.
The formula boasts the rich texture of a high-end moisturiser so the golden colour glides on seamlessly. Infused with hydrating coconut, eucalyptus and peppermint oil, it also contains a colour-correcting property to cancel out redness.
Oh, how we love Dove's gradual self-tan mousse. With its non-stain formula, it’s goodbye to bedsheets resembling the Turin Shroud!
Packed with skin benefits that work for up to 48 hours, the mousse can be applied with hands (but for super even coverage I use a mitt) and builds gradually to a just-back-from-St Tropez sun-kissed glow.
Good old Garnier has come up trumps with its gradual tan moisturiser.
Enriched with hydrating apricot oil to soothe and moisturise, it also really delivers on the tan front, giving a naturally healthy colour. Absorbs quickly too – ideal for last-minute types like me.
If you’re after a gradual tanner with serious skin repairing creds, meet Nivea's Q10 Firming and Radiance Gradual Tan Moisturiser. Packed with anti-ageing ingredients to plump and firm, it promises to improve skin elasticity in just ten days.
It also allows you to build a gorgeously natural shimmering hue. Bonus points for the summery rose and jasmine scent.
So, there’s your summer in a bottle. May all your sunsets be golden rather than orange.
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