Dilemma: my mother has become anxious after a fall

Jo Brand / 05 April 2017

Since falling over, a reader's mother is now making more demands for help with shopping and daily visits.

Dilemma: my mother wants more help since a fall

My elderly but utterly self-sufficient mother had a slight fall the other day and couldn’t move terribly well. She kept asking me to bring her shopping each day and, because I get home from work quite late, this meant I barely saw my young daughter. 

She could shop online, but I think she just wants to see me. How do I tell her that I can’t keep coming round, without being rude?

Jo Brand's advice

For starters, it sounds to me like the fall has shaken your mother up and made her a bit anxious. If she is, as you say, self-contained, it is highly likely that once she has recovered she will go back to being her usual old self, requiring the minimum of input. I am only phrasing it in this way as there is something of an irritable tone to your letter.

Do you really like your mum? Or has it just upset you that she has kept you from your young daughter?

Can you enlist other family members to lighten the load? If there’s no one else, you need to talk to your mum and explain what the problem is. Hopefully, she will be understanding.

And it’s also possible that your council or a local charity may be able to provide a volunteer to drop in on days you can’t visit.

Read more of Jo Brand's down-to-earth advice

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